#im trying to think of what i could post on sunday tho

[fruitybashir]

writing sentences and having to pause to pull my shirt over my mouth and scream a little, this is going to be the death of me.

[melanchol1cs]

WHAT GOOD IS SORRY?

ex husband!leon x f!reader

word count: 3.3k summary: why does one wound those they love so deeply? masterlist | taglist | wips

18+ MDNI. mentions of divorce, cheating/infidelity, awkward leon stuff, guilt, yearning, leon and reader have a child together — and i named her denise for whatever reason, getting stood up by a date, drunk texting, kissing, oral(r!receiving), fingering, unprotected sex, bittersweet ending(?) i guess.

a/n: old wip,, this was supposed to be super gut wrenching and angsty but for some reason, my brain didn’t want to cooperate and decided that this would be the ending. also, i’ve been contemplating whether to address this or not and even tho its not a big issue, PLEASE interact with my posts. it’s the only way i’m able to know that you guys actually like the stuff i write, and ever since i’ve started writing on here 7 months ago, i’ve been noticing a decrease in interactions. im honestly losing motivation to write because i truly don’t know if people actually read my shit and like it. anyway, enjoy my mediocre writing ^___^

leon regrets everything he’s done up to this point. running into ada on a mission, going to the bar with her afterwards, and the kiss. the stupid kiss that eventually led up to this.

the divorce.

it all felt wrong, so wrong. yet here he was, driving his car to your doorstep, his stomach in knots despite having done this several times before.

for the sake of your daughter, the two of you had decided that shared custody would be the best option.

he stands at the door, hesitating before knocking, his knuckles hovering anxiously. clearing his throat, he gently raps his knuckles against the door, hoping for an answer. he's already second-guessing himself, wondering if he should have texted or called first.

your door eventually opens, and he's met with a familiar face. you.

you greet him with a civil smile, pressing a kiss into your daughter’s hair before ushering her inside.

he fidgets, adjusting the brim of his leather jacket nervously as he takes in the sight of you.

you reach to shut the door, catching a glimpse of him awkwardly hovering over you porch.

“you okay?”

he tries to find his voice. "yeah, i just, uh... i was just thinking..”

he looks down at his feet, kicking the ground with the side of his scuffed boot, as if trying to buy some time or maybe just willing the floor to swallow him up. when he speaks, his voice is low and sheepish. “when i was— last night, i thought… uh, do- do you remember when.. shit. are you free this weekend?”

”what?” you muse at his question. “leon, i really don’t wanna have this conversation with you again,”

he winces at the rebuff, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets as a defensive measure.

leon’s adam’s apple bobs up and down as he swallows hard, his ears burning at your words. he looks anywhere but at you, his eyes darting over the porch railing, the foliage, the sky — anywhere but your eyes. oh, those eyes he adored so much.

"no, wait, hear me out,”

"listen..." he takes a deep breath, steeling himself for whatever fallout this might bring, knowing he's already on shaky ground. “i just wanna talk.. to you.”

he shifts his weight, glancing up at the roof of the house as if the heavens themselves could offer a solution. when he does meet your gaze again, his eyes are pleading, his jaw clenched with a mix of anxiety and something akin to desperation.

“i’m sorry, leon. i’m busy,”

he scoffs and his face scrunches up, a pained grimace contorting his features as he cuts you off. “c’mon, please?” he's standing too close now, invading the personal space he once knew so well. “i.. i know it isn’t what we do anymore but—“

“no, seriously. i literally can’t. i have something up.”

“oh.” he deflates slightly at your dismissal, shoulders slumping in defeat. a soft, regretful sigh escapes his parted lips, and his eyes drop, gaze wandering aimlessly. "can- can you can you cancel? is it really important? what about on sunday-? i’m sure we can..“

“leon.” it's not a question this time, you stare at him with the tiniest hint of pity. “i have a date.”

ouch. he freezes, his chest constricting as if he's been punched. a date? the words echo in his mind, each syllable like a dagger to his pride, his ego, his everything. a muscle in his jaw twitches, his hands clenching and unclenching in his pockets. leon swallows hard, his throat suddenly parched.

"oh," he repeats, the sound barely above a whisper. he takes a shaky breath, trying to calm the storm brewing inside him.

he rubs a hand over the back of his neck, jaw working in agitation as he grapples with the blow of your words. a snarky retort rises in his throat, a cutting remark to deflect the sting, but it withers on his tongue, a futile attempt at salvaging pride he knows is misplaced.

leon swallows hard, his mouth opening and closing a few times before he finally finds his voice, laced with a wry bitterness. “yeah, no worries.. guess that's that," a bitter, hollow chuckle escapes him as he shifts his weight. his tone is flippant, trying to mask the sting of rejection, but the defeat is palpable as he turns to leave. he starts down the porch steps, his boots thudding against the wooden slats.

you finally close the door on him, standing by the door, hand on the knob, unease prickling along you skin like a thousand tiny needles, each one stinging with the weight of guilt. you sigh, rubbing the bridge of her nose as she tries to process her feelings. guilt, regret, a twinge longing — it's all so confusing, so messy.

the weight of his pleading eyes, the desperation in his tone — he had no right acting like a dejected puppy after he cheated on you.

you shake your head, face between your hands. he made his choices, just as you had, and now it was time to move on. you squared your shoulders, took a deep breath, and stepped away from the door, determined to let go of the ghost of what was and focus on the life you were building. for you, and your daughter.

but it’s not really easy.

not when you’re sitting alone at a restaurant, waiting for a date that never bothered to show.

your phone buzzes and you hold your breath. hoping for some sort of confirmation, but it's quickly snuffed out.

‘hey, sorry i couldn’t make it. something important came up’ the simple text reads. the same stupid excuse. every. single. time. your heart sinks, a dull ache forming in the pit of your stomach.

a bitter, derisive chuckle escapes your lips. serves you right. you knew he was trouble from the start. yet, your heart aches, a dull throb of pain and disappointment. you feel so foolish, sitting there, waiting for someone who never shows. though, it isn't really new.

now you lay in your bed, having already kicked off your heels and changed out of the uncomfortably tight dress you wore.

you pull the blankets up to your chin, suddenly feeling cold. you toss and turn, brooding and wallowing in misery, and it seemed like you’ve been doing it for hours till you’re startled out of your fitful doze by the buzz of your phone.

it's a text from leon, of course it is. it’s another one of his ‘where are u? i miss u’ ‘can’t stop thinking about you. please let me c u’ meltdowns.

he's drunk again, you can tell by the sloppy caps and the desperate pleas. every time he has a rough night, he always thinks coming over will magically fix everything. and you always refuse, knowing he’s only drunk and alone. but tonight, you feel particularly lonely.

your thumb hovers over the keyboard, and before you know it, you're typing. ‘come over.’ you hesitate, then send the message.

by then, he’s already halfway out the door, stumbling out and nearly falling as he trips over his own feet in his haste. he takes the stairs two at a time, a goofy, shit-eating grin plastered on his face. when he reaches your door, he pounds on it with a fist. his breath comes out in short puffs as he waits, anticipation making his heart race.

click.

the door creaks open a fraction and his eyes lock onto you, looking all soft and domestic in a robe. leon's breath catches in his throat as his eyes drink you in.

he tumbles in, arms outstretched as if he's about to catch something. he's immediately in your space, arms around you in a tight, needy embrace. his face buries itself in the crook of your neck, breathless with relief and something else, something suspiciously like love.

“leon—“ he smashes his mouth against yours, tongue pushing past your lips, the taste of beer and regret in his breath. his hands roam, sliding up your back, gripping your hair, fingers splayed wide as if to assure himself you're real. a low, desperate sound escapes him, half-groan, half-moan as his body presses against yours. he's desperate, sloppy, but undeniably passionate. when he finally breaks for air, he rests his forehead against yours, eyes glassy with drink and longing.

“missed you s’ much, baby,” he presses a kiss to your neck, tongue tracing the pulse point with a reverence that borders worship.

“let me make it up to you, please,” he looks up at you with those big, puppy-dog eyes, an expression so pathetic it’s comical. yet, the desperation behind them makes it anything but.

his hands skim down your sides to your hips, fingers digging in as if to keep you anchored to him. his face buried in the crook of your neck as his hands knead the meat of your ass, claws digging in through the fabric of your robe. his breath hitches as he nuzzles into you, inhaling deeply as if committing you to memory.

he trails a string of open-mouthed kisses down your neck, pausing to nibble on your collarbone before continuing his journey south. his hands never stop moving, roaming over your body with an insatiable hunger.

you let out a soft whimper, arching into his touch. "bedroom," you breathe out, and he happily obliges.

once inside, he kicks the door shut behind him and spins you around, backing you up against the bed. he begins to undo your robe with shaking fingers, your heavy breathing and the rustling of silk the only sounds in the charged silence between you. when the robe falls open, he pushes it off your shoulders, letting it pool at your feet.

the thin, sheer fabric of your nightgown offers little resistance as he practically rips it off you. a shaky breath escapes his parted lips as he reaches for you again, fingers grazing your skin as if he's not quite trusting his own touch.

he guides you to the bed, pushing you to sit on the edge. he immediately drops to his knees before you, face between your legs.

“these ‘re pretty,” he slurs out, before he fucking tears your underwear off.

“leon!”

he chuckles at your reaction, a low, rumbling sound in the back of his throat. “sorry,” he murmurs against your inner thigh, his hot breath causing goosebumps to rise in its wake. “gonna buy you new ones,”

his stubble scrapes against your sensitive skin as he slowly trails open-mouthed kisses up your thigh, savoring every inch of you that you’re willing to give him.

he buries his face between your legs, licking and sucking with a single-minded devotion that makes your toes curl and eyes roll back in your head. his scruffy cheeks hollow as he sucks a hickey into the soft flesh of your inner thigh.

god, it’s been so long. the feelings practically foreign.

his tongue begins to lash at your slit, long and flat, with a dexterity that belies his level of inebriation.

“you still mine?” he huffs. “‘course you are, ‘m the only one that can get ya this wet,”

slurp, smack, suck, repeat.

his tongue is relentless, probing your entrance, swirling around your clit with increasing fervor. he's sloppy, uncoordinated, but it only serves to heighten the intensity of it all. every time he pulls back, you can hear his heavy breathing, feel the vibrations of his moans against your most intimate flesh. your fingers thread into his hair, tugging him closer as your back arches off the bed. a keening whimper escapes you, the sound muffled by your clenched teeth as you struggle to maintain some semblance of control.

“fuck, leon—” your words trail off into incoherent mumbles as he drives you closer to the edge, tongue darting in and out with a pace that’ll make a grown woman go crazy. “d-denise, were gonna wake her up,”

a low growl rumbles in his chest as he responds to your whine. there's a hint of accusation in his gaze, but it quickly morphs into a look of raw, desperate need. “don’t matter,” he's relentless, persistent, refusing to back down even as you tremble and writhe beneath him.

he grunts, his attention snapping back to you, blue eyes squinting as he looks up from between your thighs. his tongue is a damn metronome, lapping and smacking with a relentless rhythm that has you chasing the edge of oblivion.

it's like every drunken fantasy he's ever had is being poured out onto you. messy, uncoordinated, desperate. and you’re eating it up. “gonna make you forget all about that stupid date," he mutters through slurred words. "’m the only man who can make you feel this good,"

he's not wrong. the way he's attacking you with his tongue, it's like he's trying to prove a fucking point.

"leon, please," you gasp out, and he takes it as an invitation to continue. your entire body is wound up tight, a taut string ready to snap. he slips a finger in, then two, curling them just right so that they’re pressing against that spongy spot that has you seeing stars.

your legs wrap around his head, fingers threading into his hair as you pull him in as close as humanly possible. his name is a chant on your lips, a prayer to the gods of pleasure. "leon, leon, leon,". denise could come in right now and catch you like this — legs splayed, back arched, eyes squeezed shut in bliss. he's that good. or maybe that bad. you dont know. and you don’t care to find out.

"yeah, just like that," he praises, voice a low, gravelly growl. "love my fingers in this greedy little cunt, don't you?"

your thighs clench around his head, heels digging into his back as you ride out the pleasure. "gonna cum, leon, please—“ yours words trail off into a wail, a keen of pure, unadulterated euphoria.

your back arches, toes curl, and your fingers dig into his hair, holding him to you as the wave crashes over you. he tugs you down to the edge of the bed, practically burying his face in your groin. he laps at your slit, in and out, in and out, until the last bit of resistance melts away.

he lifts his face from between your legs, eyes hazy and unfocused as he fumbles to unbuckle his pants. once he has it off, he's back, pushing your legs apart as he kneels between them. the thick of his length throbs against your lower belly, and you can feel his racing heartbeat through every inch of him that's in contact with you.

he notches the head of his cock at your entrance, pressing in just enough to make you feel the pressure, gathering your juices before giving a long, slow stroke up and down, coating himself in you. he's throbbing, pulsing with need, and you can practically taste the desperation in your mouth.

he presses in, just the tip at first, then a bit more. slow, shallow strokes, in and out. his hips rock against yours, the motion slow and languid. one of his hands cups your cheek, thumb brushing over your closed eyelids to check if he was dreaming. the other hand palms the small of your back, fingers digging in as if to anchor himself. your legs wrap around his waist, ankles locking behind his back as he slowly sinks into you.

he's quiet for a moment, just holding you, his heart racing in his chest as if he's trying to communicate something without using words. his hips move, the action slow and lazy, as if he's trying to spoon you into submission.

he pulls out, just to the tip, before pushing back in. the motion is slow, sensual, a deliberate teasing that has you whining and writhing beneath him.

sweat beads on his brow, tracing down the lines of his face, but he doesn't slow. if anything, he's driven by a desperate need to make up for lost time, to prove himself worthy of you. your back arches, hands scrabbling for purchase on the sheets as he pistons in and out, the force of his thrusts rocking your entire body. he's not gentle, not soft, but rough and demanding, just like he always used to be when he was trying to stake his claim.

he nips at your earlobe, his teeth grazing the sensitive flesh before he sooths it with his tongue. “fuck, feels so good,” he gasps out, his words punctuated by the slap of skin against skin. “can't believe i ever let you go.”

"leon," you whimper, the name a plea, a prayer. his lips find yours in a sloppy, frantic kiss. he's drinking you in, devouring your mouth, your moans, your gasps, trying to consume every ounce of you.

he's sweating, hair a mess, face scrunched up in concentration, but those blue eyes remain locked on yours.

you're lost in the sensation, every nerve ending on high alert, screaming for friction, for relief, for release. "leon, leon, gonna cum," you pant, your voice raw, your throat dry. "please, i—" but your pleas are swallowed by his next thrust, his cock dragging against your sensitive walls.

he leans forward, his forehead pressing against yours, noses nearly touching. his hot breath mingles with yours, the scent of his beer-soaked breath and the musk of his arousal mingling together in the most intoxicating way. "love you," he suddenly whispers, the words a quiet, a desperate confession that hangs in the air between you.

“love you, love you, fuck—“

the way your walls squeeze him when you cum drags his own orgasm from him. for a long moment, he stays frozen, buried to the hilt, his chest heaving against yours as he tries to catch his breath.

the heat of your body seeps into his skin, chasing away the chill of the night air. he collapses against you, a boneless heap of satisfied male. his cock throbs, pulses, and drips onto the bed between your legs as he tries to catch his breath. the room is silent, save for your joint heavy breathing, and the occasional groan as his softening length slips out of you. eventually, he rolls off, lying on his back beside you, one big hand coming to rest on your stomach, thumb stroking in a slow, idle pattern. his eyes are hazy, unfocused, but they find yours and hold. a small, sheepish smile tugs at his lips.

"sorry," he slurs out, the word garbled and slightly off-kilter. "i shoulda been better, should’ve tried harder, i... i‘m gonna make things right, i swear,"

he peppers your neck with soft kisses, his stubble rasping against your tender flesh. he's warm, solid, and comforting. gentle and tender, a stark contrast to the desperation that drove him mere moments ago.

he's not reaching for grand gestures or flowery declarations. he's asking for something simple, intimate, and achingly human. a chance to hold you, to sleep beside you, to maybe, begin to rebuild something from the rubble of what once was.

and for a moment, you let yourself believe that he’ll be different this time. that he's not just trying to relive past glories, but genuinely wants to make amends, to start anew.

tags: @crowleyco @withonly-sweetheart @fanilkychae

[bucketsorbueckers]

Wishing you the best (in the worst way) - 3

Paige X Azzi

Warnings: langauge, alcohol, adult themesssss

a/n: oh this chapter was so fun but the next one will be even more fun :) i edited this in tumblr and it deleted so if theres any mistakes its bc im fighting not to slam my head against the desk! as i edit again! anyways hoping to deliver a new chapter tomorrow but am traveling so! wish me luck! xoxo

@/espnw 📸 [Photo attached: Bueckers and Fudd postgame, shoulder to shoulder. Paige’s hand just visible at Azzi’s waist.] After a game marked by intensity, former UConn teammates Paige Bueckers and Azzi Fudd paused for a. @/bueckersbrainrot: paige’s hand WHERE??? @/ughwnba: azzi stepping into that photo like she didn’t just threaten to kill her 20 minutes ago is PEAK lesbian culture @/azzifuddagenda: i would simply never recover from a hand placement like that —- @/theuconnsyndrome: paige: “she’s a competitor.” me: say her name. paige: “you’d have to ask her.” me: SAY HER NAME #pazzi #technicallynotdenying @/onthebaseline “you’d have to ask her” is WILD bc what do you mean she still lives in your head and you’re sending the press to get answers??? #bueckersfudd #itsgivingyoustillcare @/iwannafudd: azzi didn’t even deny it she just emotionally dissociated mid-press conference @/bueckersarchives: “the players’ personal lives are not on the table tonight” babe their personal lives were on the court on full display

—--

The storm had been threatening all day, but Paige had ignored it.

Until 11:45 pm, when her phone buzzed with a text from Coach to the team group chat. 

Flights are grounded. Storm’s rolling in fast. We’re in D.C. till Sunday. Sit tight.

Paige stared at the screen, then dropped her head back against the hotel headboard like the sky had done it on purpose. Stuck. In D.C. Azzi’s city. An extra twenty-four hours in the last place she wanted to be.

Fuck. 

Immediately, her phone lit up. Group chat exploding. Her team, already trying to decide what to do with a bonus 24 hours like it was spring break.

Nai: so what we not gonna do is sit in this hotel like it’s jail.

Maddy: can we do brunch after practice tho

Lyss: …practice?

Arike: he’ll find somewhere 

Nai: he better not

Ty: i’m not runnin suicides in georgetown i swear to god

Maddy: so brunch? 

Nai: @paige don’t start actin mute now

Ty: yeah we KNOW your phone’s in your hand

Arike: she fake 

Paige: y’all are mad annoying

Maddy: ok but are you coming or you just being weird in your hotel room

Paige: haven’t decided yet. 

Nai: girl…

Paige closed out of the app. Set her phone face down on the nightstand like that meant anything. Then buried her face in the pillow, exhaling hard enough to feel the heat come back at her. Outside, the wind howled—the storm finally creeping in. 

She told herself to sleep. Shut off the light. Laid there in the dark, eyes wide open, jaw locked. She wasn't thinking about Azzi. Except she was.

The photo. The press room. That line. That look.

Azzi’s voice—You don’t get to fucking do that—still ringing in her ears. 

Paige stared at the ceiling like it might offer a better version of the night. Like it might change fate, rewrite the version of herself that could hardly remember the sound of Azzi’s laugh. It didn’t. 

Eventually, she grabbed her phone again. Didn’t even hesitate. Didn’t even try to lie to herself. Instagram.

@/azzifudd.

And there she was. Azzi. Lit up on the screen. 

They didn’t follow each other anymore. Hadn’t in almost two years.

Azzi had been the one to make that move. Right after Paige had gotten too drunk at some bar in Miami, posted a blurry story she barely remembered. Bass in the background. Flashing lights. A girl’s hand on her thigh. Another laughing in her ear.

Faces Paige couldn’t even place the next morning. She’d deleted it before noon. Didn’t matter. Azzi had seen it. And unfollowed her before the hangover had even set in.

Paige had stared at the “Follow” button like it was a dare. But she never hit it. And it seemed Azzi never changed her mind. So, that's how they remained.

Still, she found herself circling back to that profile more than she’d ever admit out loud. Out of habit. Out of impulse. Out of whatever was still living in her chest, quietly gnawing through its leash.

Paige scrolled. She always went backward—never from the top down. Like easing into cold water. Like if she moved slowly enough, she could approach the part of Azzi’s life she wasn’t in anymore without setting herself on fire.

She moved quickly past the ones she knew too well.  The ones from their time at UConn. She remembered where they were taken. Who had taken them. What they’d done after.

And then, slowly, her own face began to fade from the feed. Replaced by new teammates. Mystics jerseys. Captions with inside jokes Paige didn’t recognize. 

Everything was curated now. Sharp. Cool. Controlled.

Gone were the blurry hotel mirror selfies and the out-of-pocket bench shots taken mid-laugh, mid-eye roll, mid-whatever inside joke they’d had that week.

Now it was clean lines, intentional lighting, poses that looked effortless but screamed media team approval. 

Azzi used to live a little messier. A little softer. Now everything felt wrapped in glass. Held at a distance.

So unlike her. Or—Paige corrected—maybe just unlike the version Paige had known.

The version who used to steal her hoodies and fall asleep mid-sentence. The one who could never make a decision and laughed at even her dumbest jokes. 

She neared the top of the profile. A sneaker drop. A team shot, cropped just close enough to make it look candid.

And then…A new post.

One she hadn’t seen the last time she checked. Which, fine, wasn’t that long ago. But still, it made her stomach clench the moment it loaded.

The first one was Azzi in a leather jacket. Chin tilted down. Lips parted just enough. Sunglasses hiding part of her eyes.

Paige swiped.

Second photo: fur collar, camo pants, legs stretched out, long and lean. Glasses low on her nose, lips curled into a smirk Paige had once known by heart. 

Paige couldn’t look away.

Because she knew that version of Azzi.

Knew how those glasses slid down her nose when she laughed too hard. Knew exactly how her thigh felt under Paige’s hand when she sat like that—casual, loose, like she was half-daring someone to touch her and already knew who would.

Knew that smirk. Had kissed it. Bitten it. Told it to knock it off more times than she could count.

Her grip on the phone tightened. She scrolled. Just a little. Just enough.

And there it was.

From someone new. Some W rookie Paige barely tolerated on a good day.

Mediocre defense, overhyped highlight reel, a podcast after six career games, and a mouth she hadn’t earned.

And yet—there she was.

Right at the top of the comments.

Two heart-eye emojis.

Not one. Two.

Like that girl had any right to be that obvious.

She wasn’t insane. She knew Azzi was attractive—painfully so.

She’d seen it happen in real time: the way people hovered after games, the way their smiles stretched too wide, how they held eye contact just long enough to see if Azzi would hold it back.

She knew how this worked. And technically, she didn’t have any right. Not anymore.

But it still pissed her off. Worked at her nerves like something thin and sharp and constant. A paper cut she kept pressing on, just to make sure it still stung.

Her jaw locked. Her teeth ground tight.

For a second, she considered commenting. Something vague enough to stir shit. Nothing dramatic. Just…familiar. Just enough to make Azzi pause.

A reminder that Paige was still here. Still watching. Still the one who knew her best.

But she was tired.  And pissed. And not flying home tomorrow.

So instead, she locked her phone. Tossed it across the bed like it might say something back. And forced herself to sleep. Even though she knew damn well she wouldn’t.

Paige woke up at 7 a.m. like she always did.

Her body ached in all the usual places, plus a few new ones that felt vaguely personal. She dragged herself into the shower without thinking too hard about any of it.

Outside, the sky was still throwing a tantrum. Gray clouds, sideways rain, wind rattling the hotel windows like it had something to prove.

She didn’t like being grounded. Hated anything she couldn’t control. But if she was being honest, she was glad not to be crammed into a seat at cruising altitude while nature lost its mind.

Small wins.

By the time she stepped out of the bathroom, her hair was damp and her phone had already lit up with another notification.

Not a surprise. No good mornings. Just a few words from coach. 

Recovery practice at 9. Bus leaves at 8:30. Thanks.

Paige groaned, flopping back onto the bed like gravity had just doubled down. She knew it was coming. Knew the storm didn’t cancel workouts

Still, she’d hoped. Just a little.  For a break. For a maybe. For something resembling mercy.

She stayed there for another minute, letting the ceiling remind her that she was still in D.C. Still stuck. Still a little too close to everything. Then she peeled herself off the mattress and started moving.

Got dressed on autopilot—sports bra, tights, hoodie. Hair still damp, eyes still puffy from not sleeping enough and thinking too much. 

Her phone buzzed again. Not a message, just temptation. The muscle memory was there. The impulse. Just one tap. Just one scroll.

But she didn’t do it. Didn’t check Azzi’s profile. Didn’t type the name. Didn’t go looking for a something that would ruin the rest of her day.

Instead, she shoved the phone into her hoodie pocket and grabbed her keycard.

Breakfast. That was the play. Food. Coffee. Noise that didn’t come from her own brain. Other people. Something to focus on that wasn’t Azzi or a stupid comment that technically had nothing to do with her but surely felt like it did. 

Breakfast was mostly quiet. The kind of quiet that came after a long game and a longer night.

A few groans. Passive-aggressive stabs at under-seasoned scrambled eggs. Someone muttering about how recovery practice was a crime against rest.

No one argued. Paige didn’t say much. Ate two bowls of cereal. Drank three cups of coffee she didn’t need. More out of muscle memory than actual desire. Like if she sat still too long, she might start thinking again.

When they boarded the bus, the silence deepened. Not awkward—just the shared kind of tired that didn’t need explaining. Everyone moved like they were half underwater. Stretching legs, adjusting hoodies, headphones already in.

No one said shit. Not because they were mad. Just…spent.

The gym was more of the same. Stretching. Shooting. Nothing crisp, nothing loud. Just the kind of lazy, obligatory movement that keeps your limbs from locking up. A true recovery day—no drills, no tension, no one trying to prove anything.

Paige let her body fall into the rhythm. Shot. Retrieved. Shot again. No thinking, no pressure. Just the repetition.

On one follow-through, her shoulder twinged—sharp and fast. A reminder. Not just of the hit Azzi had delivered, but of how close it had been. She didn’t wince. Just adjusted her stance and kept moving. Didn’t even glance at the training staff who she knew was watching closely. 

Coach didn’t say much until the end. He stood near the baseline, rubbing the back of his neck like he was trying to decide the best way to approach their situation. 

“The weather’s still not great,” he said. “But I don’t expect you all to just sit around the hotel either.” He looked at them—tired legs, blank faces, half-laced sneakers.  “Just be smart,” he added. “Please. Don’t make me regret saying that.”

A few people laughed. One of the rookies threw him a mock salute. Paige didn’t join either. Just nodded, grabbed her water bottle, and headed back toward the bus.

The ride to the hotel was louder. Energy loosened. Shoulders dropped. Someone played music low on their phone, and no one complained about it.

A few rows back, Maddy was talking.

“Trying to set something up with her,” she said, voice just loud enough to drift forward. “Maybe dinner, then meet up with them after.”

Paige craned her head slightly. Not enough to look. Just enough to catch the words.

“Yeah,” Maddy was saying. “They’re in town. Stuck like we are.”

Who they were, Paige didn’t know. Didn’t ask.

Back at the hotel, she kicked off her shoes and collapsed onto the bed without even pretending to care how she landed. She didn’t exactly want to stay in. But she didn’t want to go out, either.

Not into the wind, or the chatter, or whatever awkward social plan was being assembled for the sake of team bonding or boredom.

Crowds. Cameras. People who wanted autographs, or worse—small talk. She wasn’t in the mood to be looked at. Especially not like this.

So she stayed. Back flat on the mattress, hoodie still on, hair damp from the shower, body humming with a dozen things she didn’t have words for.

Eventually, her brain shut up long enough for her to fall asleep.

—--

She was yanked out of it by the sharp slam of a fist against her door.

Her eyes flew open. Her heart kicked like it was late for something.

She sat up too fast. Breath caught. Shoulder aching.

She’d slept on it wrong. She could feel it immediately. A dull, insistent throb radiating beneath the bone like a warning.

Too many minutes face-down. Too many hits in one week.

The room was dim. Curtain drawn. Storm still sulking outside.

Another knock—louder this time.

She swung her legs over the side of the bed, already halfway to pissed. She yanked open the door. And of course. It was them.

Maddy and Dijonai stood on the other side, like the universe had conspired to send her two least ignorable people.

“No,” Paige said immediately.

She started to shut the door, but Nai caught it with one hand—like she saw it coming a mile away.

“Yes,” Nai said, and stepped inside without hesitation.

Maddy followed, not as bold but just as sure of herself, already scanning the room like she was assessing damage.

Paige sighed. A big one. The kind that felt theatrical even to her. But she didn’t stop them. Didn’t kick them out. Because the truth was—she loved them.

Not in a soft way. But i n the way you love people who show up even when you don’t ask them to. In the way you let them annoy you because the alternative is worse.

Paige sat back on the bed. 

“We got plans. You take ten years to get ready, so technically you’re already late,” Nai said, arms crossed “Let’s go. Up.”

“I’m not part of the we you're talking about,” Paige muttered, still sitting on the edge of the bed.

Maddy shrugged. “You are now.”

“I didn’t pack an outfit,” Paige said, already defensive, which wasn’t helping her case.

They both rolled their eyes, perfectly synced.

“Now we know that’s a fucking lie,” Nai said, stepping over a pair of socks like it wasn’t worth acknowledging. “You don’t leave Dallas without options. You travel like you're prepared to make three outfit changes before dinner.”

Maddy nodded. “You packed a full fit for that team dinner that never even happened last month. Try again.”

Paige sighed. “Okay, but those were different options.”

“P,” Nai said, flat. “You have a duffel bag just for shoes.”

Unfortunately, she did.

Paige glanced around the room, scanning for some kind of excuse she could pretend was valid. The beige walls didn’t offer much. She came up empty. When she looked back, they were both grinning.

“So, Paige,” Maddy said, like she already knew how this ended. “What are you gonna wear?”

Paige groaned, but leaned over and unzipped her suitcase anyway. Because they weren’t wrong.  And she was never actually going to say no.

She rifled through the suitcase, ignoring the way Nai hovered like a stylist and Maddy leaned against the desk like she was rating every choice.

“Y’all are too comfortable,” Paige muttered.

“You’re lucky we didn’t start dressing you ourselves,” Nai said.

She dug through the stack of clothes until she found something that would blend in. Black tee. Cropped slightly. Charcoal cargos—loose, low on her hips, the band of her boxers visible just above the waistband. Not on purpose. Not not on purpose either.

Over that, the cropped jacket. Black. Structured but not stiff. She rolled the sleeves up to her elbows, caught a glimpse of her forearm in the mirror, and didn’t look again.

From the desk, Maddy let out a low whistle. “That’s a pretty coordinated fit for someone who didn’t pack an extra outfit.”

Paige rolled her eyes, adjusting her shirt. 

“Where are we even going?”

She grabbed the silver chain off the nightstand and looped it around her neck without waiting for an answer. Her sneakers came next. Black and white, worn but clean, laced loose like always.

Finally, taking in her reflection, she shrugged. Not perfect, but good enough. 

“Just a team dinner,” Nai said. “No stress.”

Paige nodded as she grabbed her phone.

“Let’s just go before I change my mind.”

Nai smirked. “You say that like we’d let you.”

Azzi’s POV

The rain hammered against the window, steady and unrelenting. The kind of storm that made the city feel smaller, like everything outside was folding in on itself.

Azzi sat in front of the mirror, exhaling as she dragged the brush across her cheek for what felt like the tenth time.

Twenty minutes in and she still didn’t feel put together.

Not messy. Just… off.

Sonia’s voice floated in from the hallway.

“You almost ready?”

Azzi didn’t look away from her reflection. Just nodded. “Yeah.”

They were supposed to be headed to Seattle tonight. Game day schedule. Bags packed. Mind already halfway across the country. But the storm had grounded them.

And with too many hours and too much energy to waste, someone had floated the idea of dinner. Something casual. Whole team. Nothing serious.

Azzi had agreed before she could come up with a reason not to. Now she wasn’t sure if that had been smart.

She dabbed on another layer of lipstick and stared at herself for a second longer than necessary. It would have to do.

Then, without thinking—without really thinking—she reached for her phone.

And did something stupid. She knew it was. She always knew it was.

But the thought had been there all night, quiet and persistent: if we’re grounded, maybe they are too. Maybe she was still in D.C. Still somewhere nearby.

Azzi opened Instagram and typed the name like it was muscle memory.

@/paigebueckers.

She ignored the usual pang. The one that settled low in her stomach whenever she landed on this screen. Usually, she only did this when she was drunk. Or tired. Or both.

Tonight, apparently, all it took was bad weather.

The page loaded slowly. Not because of the connection—hers was fine. Just slow enough to feel like the universe was asking her if she was sure.

She wasn’t. But she kept going.

No new posts. Just the grid she’d seen a hundred times.

Azzi scrolled anyway. It was the same mix of sharp and polished. Tunnel shots. Courtside candids. Brand deals. Everything clean. Everything considered.

Paige had become…untouchable. Bigger than the game, in some ways. Brand deals they used to joke about. One of the most famous women’s basketball players in the world.

Everyone loved her. Everyone wanted her. Azzi had seen it—on the road, in the league, even back in college.

The way people looked at her. They flirted without subtlety. Pressed too close. Posted photos they knew would get attention. And Paige? She smiled. Laughed. Let it happen.

But she never gave anything away. At least not publicly.

Azzi paused on a photo from last week. Court tunnel. Hoodie up. White sneakers. Paige staring just past the lens like the camera hadn’t earned her attention.

Thousands of comments. Azzi didn’t need to read them. She already knew what they said.

Still, she scanned for anything familiar. For a name that made her stomach turn. For a heart-eye emoji from someone who didn’t know the version of Paige who used to sleep with her arm slung across Azzi’s waist, thumb brushing her ribs without realizing it. 

Azzi felt it then. The thing she hated most.That little sharp curl of possessiveness.

Because Paige didn’t belong to her anymore.

But back then? Paige had been hers.

A version no one else knew. A secret Azzi had kept tucked in the softest part of her memory. Paige, as she really was. Sharp and tender and unguarded, all at once.

Not the one in tunnel shots or postgame scrums. Not the headline. Not the one who had smirked at her on the court the night before. 

But the girl in threadbare tees and boxers, hair damp from the shower, voice rough from laughing too hard at something only they would find funny. The one who let herself go still in the dark, who curled around Azzi like maybe she was afraid the night would take her if she didn’t hold on tight enough.  Like Azzi was something to memorize.

That Paige had existed without overthinking. Without calculating how it looked. Without the weight of a brand, or the noise of a million opinions.

She’d just been. And Azzi had been the only one who got to see her like that.

“Az?”

Azzi jumped, the name pulling her back too fast. Her phone slipped from her hand and hit the floor with a soft thud.

She hadn’t heard Sonia come in. Didn’t realize how far away she’d gone until the sound of her own name dragged her back.

Sonia stood behind her now, close enough to read more than Azzi wanted her to.

Her brows lifted, gaze already sweeping across Azzi’s face.

“You good?”

Azzi blinked. Nodded. Even though she wasn’t entirely sure what good meant in this context.

“Yeah,” she murmured, reaching for the phone like that was the most important thing in the room. “Just…lost track of time.”

Sonia hesitated. Licked her lips like she wanted to say something. Like maybe she’d seen the screen, or maybe she didn’t need to.

Azzi looked away. Didn’t give her the chance.

“We’re gonna be late,” she said, standing too quickly and catching her knee on the edge of the vanity. Pain bloomed sharp and immediate. She gritted her teeth. “Better get moving.”

Azzi was almost out the door when Sonia spoke.

“I have to tell you something.”

The words landed sharp. Stopped her cold. She froze mid-step, fingers still curled around the doorknob. Slowly, she turned.

Sonia stood in the middle of the room, arms crossed—never a good sign—and something uneasy flickering behind her eyes. Azzi’s stomach dropped. That quiet kind of dread that comes before impact.

Sonia looked nervous. Which made her feel nervous. Very nervous.

“…Okay,” Azzi said, careful, quiet. “What is it?”

Because anything that made Sonia hesitate like this, it wasn’t small. And it definitely wasn’t good.

“Dallas is stuck in D.C.”

Azzi nodded. She’d assumed as much. The storm wasn’t picking favorites.

She just…hadn’t remembered to check. Not after landing on Paige’s profile.

“And, well—” Sonia paused. “Maddy reached out.”

That’s when it hit.

A low, humming static bloomed in Azzi’s ears. The kind that made it hard to tell if the room had actually gone quiet or if it was just something inside her that had cut out.

She didn’t move. Didn’t blink. Just stared.

“And later,” Sonia continued, her voice gentler now, like she knew she was walking a wire, “we’re gonna meet up. At a bar.”

A beat.

“I didn’t tell you because I didn’t know if Paige was coming. I didn’t know if…you’d want to know.”

“So… they may show up at dinner,” Sonia added, quieter now. “I don’t know.”

Azzi closed her eyes. Tried to slow the spinning. Tried to breathe like that would make the room feel less small.

She didn’t want to be dramatic. She also kind of wanted to throw up.

The idea of walking into a space and finding her there—of having to fake calm while the room bent around Paige like it always did—made her stomach twist.

Because Paige could do that. Smile and nod. Make it look easy. Make everyone forget what happened.

And Azzi? Azzi wasn’t made like that. She didn’t want to pretend. Didn’t want to sit there while the whole team made space for the person who had nearly ruined her. 

“You don’t have to come,” Sonia said softly. “Obviously.”

Azzi’s eyes snapped open. The stillness cracked, fractured like glass under pressure, and panic poured through the break.

Her chest tightened. Her skin flushed hot. She could feel it starting again. That terrible instinct to shrink. To disappear before Paige could make her feel small.

She pictured the smirk. The venom-soft voice. The way Paige had played her like it was nothing—on the court, off the court, every space in between.

And for a second, it almost worked. The pull. The spiral.

But then—

No.

No.

She wasn’t doing this again.

Wasn’t folding herself in half to make space for someone who’d already thrown her out of theirs. Wasn’t going to disappear just to dodge the possibility of Paige.

Not tonight.

“No,” she said, her voice steady but tight. “I’m not letting her keep me from having a good night.” Her chest ached. “She doesn’t get to ruin that too.”

Sonia’s eyes lit up, pride flickering through the worry. She gave Azzi a slow once-over, grin blooming across her face.

“Hell yes,” she said. “And you look fucking good, Azzi.”

A beat.

“I hope she cries.”

Azzi snorted, despite herself. The ache in her chest didn’t disappear, but it shifted—made room for something else.

“Let’s go before I change my mind,” she muttered.

The restaurant was small—low ceilings, soft lighting, the kind of place where everything felt a little closer. A little quieter.

It wasn’t crowded. The storm had seen to that. Just a few tables filled, candlelight flickering against rain-streaked windows. French food. Good wine. Real napkins.

Azzi slid into her seat, tugging off her coat, still damp at the edges. Her fingers were cold, but she was warm. Settling.

Around her, her team moved like they belonged here—laughing, leaning into each other, trading stories that had nothing to do with basketball but still somehow did.

She smiled, soft and small.

Because she loved them. Not in the easy way. Not just for the assists or the chemistry or the post-practice group chats.

But in the way you love people who see you every day in motion—tired, sore, undone—and show up anyway.

In the way they didn’t ask questions when she sat down. Just passed the bread basket and made space.

Kiki nudged her shoulder.

“You look pretty.”

Azzi huffed a laugh, reaching for her wine. “Says you.”

Kiki smiled but didn’t look away. “You coming out after?”

Her voice was casual, but there was something careful in it. Hope, maybe. Like she was expecting a no but wouldn’t mind being surprised.

Azzi dabbed her napkin against her lips, buying herself a second.

“Yeah,” she said finally. “I’ll come out for a bit.”

The answer seemed to loosen something in Kiki’s shoulders. Her smile wasn’t big, but it was real.

“Good,” she said. “We’ve earned it.”

Dinner moved in easy waves. Plates passed, half-finished stories traded between bites. The kind of laughter that curled up in your chest and stayed there awhile.

Outside, the rain kept falling but inside, there was warmth. Low conversation. The soft clink of silverware. Candlelight catching on glassware and cheekbones.

Azzi let herself sink into it. Into the slow comfort of being surrounded. Into the bottle of wine she and Kiki had agreed to split, and then—inevitably—the second one too.

Because it felt good to relax. To let the edge of the season dull for just a night.

By the end of it, Azzi felt a little heady. Giggly in a way that caught her off guard. Loose in her limbs, her laugh easy, her smile unguarded.

She’d almost forgotten what was coming.

Like how sometimes you’re outside in the snow, and it’s so quiet and beautiful you forget your toes are going numb. Until they start to burn.

That’s what it felt like. Joy that made room for the crash. And the crash did come, loudly. 

The restaurant door flew open, catching on a gust, letting the storm spill inside for one disorienting moment. Water pooled on the tile. Cold air rippled through the room. Heads turned instinctively, voices dipped.

Azzi did too.  Even before she meant to. Even before her brain could catch up to what her body already knew.

Maddy entered first—laughing, her coat drenched at the shoulders, curls stuck to her cheek.

Arike followed, pulling off her beanie and tossing her hair over one shoulder, boots heavy with water.

Dijonai came next, umbrella dripping, long coat slung open, talking over her shoulder and making everyone behind her laugh.

And behind her? More. The rest of them. The entire Wings roster. All of them.

Loud and casual and completely unaware that the room had just shifted on its axis. They moved in a wave, familiar faces, familiar voices. 

Azzi's palms went damp. The napkin in her lap was wrinkled beyond saving, clenched between her fingers like it might keep her grounded.

She scanned them—every face, every step. Because she knew what she was looking for. Who she was looking for.

Her heart beat hard. Fast. Stupid. And for one brief, dizzying second, she thought: maybe.

Maybe the universe was going to let her have this. One night. One easy, wine-drenched night where Paige Bueckers was nowhere near the air Azzi had to breathe.

The group kept filing in. One familiar face after another. But not Paige. Not yet.

The last woman stepped through the door—someone Azzi didn’t even know by name. And the space behind her stayed empty, the door sealing them in. 

Azzi blinked. Her pulse didn’t slow. If anything, the absence made it worse. Because this was Paige’s team.

Which meant she could still come. She could still walk in at any moment—hair damp, hands shoved into her pockets, acting like nothing mattered.

But she didn’t. Not yet. And that hit in a place Azzi hadn’t braced for.

Because there was relief. Of course there was. Relief that she didn’t have to see her. Didn’t have to risk that one look across a room blurred by dim lighting and too much alcohol. Didn’t have to pretend they were strangers. Or worse...pretend they hadn’t once known each other so completely, so recklessly, it had felt like fact. Like truth.

But there was something else too.

A hollow sort of ache. An almost-stupid part of her that had prepared for impact, only to be left standing. Like dressing for a storm that never came. And still somehow finding yourself soaked.

The floor hadn’t tilted. But it still felt off-balance.

So she sat there, wineglass half-raised, smile practiced, pretending she didn’t notice the tension curled up beside her. Not loud. Not gone. Just waiting.

Azzi snapped back to reality just as Maddy stepped in front of her.

“Fudd!” she grinned. “I was hoping I’d see you tonight.”

Before Azzi could respond, Maddy pulled her into a hug. Azzi blinked, caught off guard by the sudden warmth of it. The steadiness.

Maddy had always been like that. Even back in college—opposite jerseys, rival—she’d never treated Azzi like a threat. Always something closer to a friend. A kind word in a tunnel. A compliment after a tough game. Sweet. Steady. Consistent.

Azzi relaxed into the hug, just a little. Let herself be held.

“Hey,” she said, voice softer than she meant. “It’s good to see you.”

Maddy stepped back, still smiling, but her eyes flicked around the room—like she was thinking about something she wasn’t going to say.

Azzi cleared her throat, grateful for the out.

“You know where we’re headed?” she asked, trying for casual.

Maddy shrugged, hands in her jacket pockets. “Who knows. Sonia said she had it covered.”

That made Azzi snort. “Oh. This should end well.”

Maddy laughed, warm and easy, and without warning, threw an arm around Azzi’s shoulder like they hadn’t missed a beat in years.

“Well,” she said, already steering them toward the door, “let’s go find out.”

And just like that, Azzi let herself be pulled along. Out of the restaurant. Into the wet chill of the evening. The air smelled like concrete and city rain. Fresh but heavy, like something about to break.

As she stepped over the threshold, something made her glance back. Dijonai stood near the entrance, half in shadow, phone in hand. Her thumbs moved quick, her brows slightly drawn. Focused. Intent.

And she was watching Azzi. Not obviously. Not in a way that called attention. But watching all the same.

Azzi didn’t stop walking. But the back of her neck prickled.

Like something was already in motion.

Paige’s POV

Paige was tipsy and halfway to murderous by the time she turned the corner near the hotel.

Soaked to the fucking bone, too. Hair plastered to her neck, jacket heavy with rain, mascara smudged just beneath one eye.

She should’ve stayed in.

She knew that.

The second her team started getting dressed like this was a night off instead of a weather advisory, she should’ve pulled rank, claimed cramps, and crawled back under the covers.

And now she was cold, wet, buzzed in the worst possible way—and dangerously close to slamming her shooting hand into a brick wall just to feel something that wasn’t this.

Dinner had been fine. Nice, even.

A place with a Latin name she couldn’t pronounce and a menu full of things that looked expensive enough to taste good. Decent drinks. A waiter who recognized her on sight and comped a few rounds of shots.

But then—just when the buzz had settled in her chest, just when the room had started to blur at the edges in a way that didn’t hurt—Maddy stood, drink still in hand, and said:

“Ready to go?”

And Paige knew. Knew the second Maddy stood—too casual, too smooth—that this wasn’t just a spontaneous night out.

Her eyes flicked around the table, catching the small looks, the unspoken agreements. The way people started gathering their coats like they’d already packed the second half of the night without her.

She was the only one still sitting. The only one not in on it.

“Go where?” she asked, trying to sound even. Unbothered. But the words came out a little too flat.

Maddy glanced at her, already zipping up her jacket. “We’re meeting some of the Mystics at a bar.”

Paige blinked. Once. Twice.

“What?”

Maddy sighed, like she’d been hoping Paige wouldn’t make her say it out loud.

“Sonia and I have been texting. We’re meeting up.”

Simple. Like it was nothing.

Paige stayed in her seat, arms crossed, jaw tight.

“You didn’t inform me of that.”

Nai shrugged, easy. “Never been one to skip a night out, P. Figured you knew it was part of the plan.”

Paige let out a bitter laugh, but it caught somewhere on the way out.

“Oh, sure. Because obviously I’d assume we’d be going to her—” she paused, stumbled, corrected herself too fast—“meeting up with the team we just beat.”

Her voice twisted on the word team, like it physically cost her to say it.

“How stupid of me.”

She grabbed her glass again, more for something to do than anything else, fingers tight around the rim. Dijonai held her gaze. 

“Paige -”

But Paige shook her head, already pulling her card from her wallet.

“Y’all have fun,” she said, too breezy to be believable. “I got the bill. Just make sure you’re up tomorrow so we can get the hell out of this place.”

She tossed the card onto the table, and the waiter—like he’d been waiting for it—snatched it up immediately.

The rest of the team hesitated. Shuffling. Half-turned. No one sure if they should say something or just take the out.

Arike finally made the call, tugging a few of them toward the door with a quick, “Let’s roll.”

That left just Paige and Nai. Still. Facing each other like neither of them quite knew what the next play was.

“She probably won’t even be there,” Nai said finally, softer now. Not accusing. Just honest.

Paige shrugged, eyes down. “Doesn’t mean I want to be around her team.”

Nai licked her lips, jaw tightening like she was debating saying more.

“Thought maybe…” she trailed off, looked away. Let out a breath. “Sorry, P. I should’ve told you. Just figured you wouldn’t even come to dinner if I mentioned it.”

Paige didn’t say anything at first. Just pressed her lips together, that old twist of guilt creeping in. For all the ways she didn’t want to see Azzi, she hated even more the idea of dragging her team into the wreckage she hadn’t cleaned up.

“It’s cool,” she said, grabbing the receipt and signing her name fast, like that might end the moment quicker. “I just—”

She paused.

“I’m tired anyway. Go have fun, okay?”

She had stood, shoved her hands into the pockets and tried not to flinch when Nai didn’t say anything right away. Tried not to read too much into the silence. Tried not to wonder what it said about her. That just the idea of seeing Azzi still left her this off-balance. This wrecked. Even now. Even after everything.

And now she was here.

Leaving a trail of water in her wake as she cut through the hotel lobby, sneakers squelching with every step, jacket clinging to her arms. Tequila on her breath. Shame somewhere just under her skin.

The kind of night where everything felt a little sideways. Like one wrong look could tip her into something she wasn’t ready to admit.

When she finally got back to her room, Paige stripped off her wet clothes��hoodie, jeans, socks all peeling away like regret—and crawled into bed. The sheets were cold. The room too quiet. But at least she was alone. She’d just started to get comfortable, breath finally settling, when her phone buzzed.

One text. Dijonai.

she’s here.

Paige exhaled through her nose and nodded like there was someone in the room to see it. See? She made the right choice.

Then another buzz.

looks good too.

Paige rolled her eyes and typed back:

thanks for that info d. incredibly helpful.

A few bubbles appeared. Paused. Disappeared. Came back. Disappeared again. Paige dropped the phone face down on her chest and groaned, dragging both hands over her face like she could scrub the impulse to care right out of her skin.

Fifteen minutes passed. Maybe more. She didn’t fall asleep. Didn’t even come close. Then her phone vibrated again. A photo this time.

Azzi in dim lighting, half-glowing, half-shadow. Laughing. Like she hadn’t looked Paige in the eye a few nights ago like she wanted to start a war. Like none of it still lived in her chest.

Paige clocked someone's hand on her bare skin. The kind of touch Paige used to own.

Another text from DC rolled in:

Despite your absence, she’s not lonely at least! 

The message rang in her skull like a dare. But it wasn’t just the words—it was the photo.

The way Azzi looked in it. Relaxed. Lit up. Someone else’s hand on her. It felt deliberate. Like a message she hadn’t sent directly but still wanted Paige to see.

A challenge, hanging in the air.

Her jaw clenched.

She and Azzi had always been competitive—down to the bone.

Who could drain more threes. Who could out-dribble. Outlast. Outplay. But it never stopped there. 

Their competitiveness spilled into everything. Who could clean faster, finish homework first, memorize plays better. But the bedroom is where it got dangerous. 

Who could get the other out of their clothes first. Who could keep their hands to themselves longer.  Who could draw it out, make it unbearable, just to win.

Azzi talked a big game. Acted unbothered. But Paige knew better.  Knew exactly how to win.

With her hands. Her mouth. The way she’d press Azzi down into the mattress. Slow, certain, one hand braced on her hip, the other holding her face like something precious and breakable.

The way she’d murmur don’t move into her neck and feel Azzi shiver. The way she could make her beg without ever raising her voice. Because Azzi liked to challenge. And Paige liked to take her apart for it.

They’d made a game of it. Who could stay in control. Who could fall apart first. Who could make the other lose the thread of their name.

And while Paige liked to win—needed to win— sometimes in that space, losing had been the best thing that ever happened to her.

Letting Azzi take her time. Letting her have her, completely. Being held down not because she couldn’t fight it, but because, for once, she didn’t want to. Azzi had been the only person who ever made losing feel like something sacred.

But now…

She turned her eyes back to the photo.

Azzi. Out in a short black dress, the hem teasing the tops of her thighs. Legs crossed, half-smile on her face like she didn’t know she was killing people with it. Someone’s hand rested on her bare skin. Fingertips just under the hem.

Too familiar. Too easy. Like they knew what to do with her. Like they’d earned it.

And that was it. The tequila clicked into place. Mean Paige, reckless Paige—the one who’d been pacing in the back of her brain all day waiting for a chance—stood up and stretched. Felt it in her knees. Didn’t care.

If Azzi could pretend none of it mattered, then Paige could play that game too.

And she’d win.

Because losing? Losing was for people in love. And that wasn’t her. Not anymore.

Finally ready, she picked up her phone with steady hands and called a black car because there was no way she was stepping back into that storm.

The outfit she wore was too clean, too custom to get soaked. Something she’d packed last minute, just in case a tunnel fit felt right.

She hadn’t worn it earlier. Didn’t know why at the time. Now she did. Divine timing, or whatever.

Baggy Nike pants, sharp at the ankle. A windbreaker to match, zipped clean to her collarbone. The silver chain at her neck caught the light like it had something to prove.

Her hair had dried just enough to cooperate—slicked back, smooth, not a curl out of place. And when she finally looked at herself in the mirror, she didn’t smile.

But she felt good.

The city flew by outside the window. Streetlights streaking gold against the glass, the sky still spitting rain. She opened Dijonai’s pin. And let the car take her exactly where she knew she shouldn’t go. Which, of course, meant she had to.

When Paige stepped into the bar, the noise hit first—low bass, clinking glasses, that layered hum of people trying not to shout over one another.

Then the warmth. Heavy and immediate like someone had forgotten to switch on the air. She tugged at the neck of her jacket. 

She scanned the room and found them instantly. Wasn’t hard.

A cluster of tall, beautiful women tucked into the back corner. Loud in the way athletes always were when they felt at home. Onlookers watched from nearby tables—like if they stared long enough, they might figure out the story.

Paige didn’t hesitate. She moved. Shoulders squared, steps steady, like she belonged there. Like this wasn’t a terrible idea. Like she hadn’t just spent the last hour convincing herself she didn’t care.

Halfway across the room, Maddy turned.

“BUECKERS!” she screamed, throwing her hands in the air like Paige had been missing for years and not, in fact, hiding in her hotel bed out of spite.

Paige smirked, just a little.

“Oh thank god,” someone else groaned. “Tabs covered. Go get shots.”

And just like that, she was back in it. A heartbeat louder than it should be. Her eyes moved on instinct, sweeping through the room, already searching.

Not for a face. For a shape. A shadow she still knew better than her own.

The angle of a shoulder. The curve of a jaw she’d traced with her mouth more times than she could count. The negative space that pulled everything else toward her without trying.

The room was too loud. Lights flashing. People laughing, calling her name like she was supposed to smile. She didn’t really want to be here. Not tonight. But she came anyway. And she knew exactly why.

Because Azzi Fudd showed up.

So, of course Paige Bueckers did too.

Azzi’s POV

Azzi was drunk. The good kind. Loose in her limbs, warm behind her knees, laughter spilling out of her like it had been waiting all season.  Kiki had said something stupid. Or brilliant. Honestly, Azzi wasn’t sure which. She was laughing so hard her side ached, wine glass dangerously close to tipping in her hand.

The bar spun in the best way. Soft lights and warm bodies and the hum of a night that didn’t demand anything but her presence.

And then…

A ripple. Not in the room exactly, but in her. Like something shifted behind her ribs. She didn’t hear her name. No one pointed. There was no obvious signal. Just this pull.

A disturbance.

Her smile faltered. Her laugh cracked at the edge. She turned—slow, tipsy, curious—and saw her.

Paige.

The world didn’t stop. It just wavered. Like the DJ skipped a beat. Like the air thinned. Like every nerve in Azzi’s body turned to glass.

She blinked, hard. But Paige was still there. Standing in the middle of the bar like she’d been dropped there by accident.

Wearing all black. Windbreaker zipped high. Chain catching the light. Looking like she hadn’t slept in three days and still had the nerve to be the best-looking person in the room.

Azzi’s stomach dropped. Because of course she showed up. Late. Composed. Dangerous.

Of course she walked in like this wasn’t the first time in years they’d been in the same place without a whistle or a camera.

And of course—of course—Azzi still wanted her.

Still ached for her in the worst, most inconvenient ways. Like a scar she kept forgetting to cover. Like an injury she’d recovered from, but that always came back in the cold.

She hated that. Hated her for it. But she didn’t move. Didn’t speak. Just stood there, every nerve lit up. Because her body didn’t care about hate. It only knew one thing:

I remember you.

She pressed her glass to her lips. Something to do, something to hold. The tequila tasted like nothing. And Paige hadn’t even looked at her yet. But Azzi already felt seen. Felt wrecked. 

Sonia appeared at her side like she knew. Like she’d felt it too.

She pressed a firm hand to Azzi’s back, grounding. Warm.

“Hey,” she said gently, like a question.

Azzi took a longer sip of her drink than she meant to. It didn’t help.

“Hey,” she echoed, the word catching on something inside her throat.

“Having a good night?”

“For now,” Azzi replied, too evenly. Too practiced.

Her eyes didn’t move. Not yet. But Sonia’s did.

She tracked the shift in the room, the way the energy tilted like it was leaning toward someone. Toward her.

Sonia’s fingers flexed against Azzi’s back. Her voice dropped.

“Just ignore her, okay?” she said, low but urgent. “She doesn’t matter. You’re here to have fun.”

Azzi nodded, but it didn’t feel like agreement.

Because Paige did matter. That was the problem. She always had. Still did. Azzi could feel her approaching like weather. That storm-warm ache in her chest already blooming.

Azzi exhaled through her nose. A steadying breath that didn’t do a damn thing.

“Can you get me another drink?” she asked, voice low but even.

Sonia searched her face for a beat. “You sure you’re good?”

“Mmhmm,” Azzi hummed, a little too brightly.

Sonia hesitated—fingers brushing her arm like she didn’t believe her—but eventually nodded and disappeared into the crowd.

And Azzi? She stayed exactly where she was.

Eyes locked.  Unmoving. On her.

She watched Paige move through the bar like the air didn’t dare resist her. And Azzi hated how she could still feel her. Like muscle memory. Like gravity. Like Paige had reached into the night and curled her fist around Azzi’s ribcage from across the damn room.

So she waited. Waited for those eyes. Those stupid, unforgettable blue eyes. Because Paige always found her. Didn’t matter the crowd. The noise. The bullshit between them.

Paige always found her. Like it was written in her bones.Like nature hadn’t left room for any other outcome.

And then, finally, It happened.

Those eyes snapped toward her. Sharp. Immediate. Like Paige had known exactly where she was the whole time and had only just given herself permission to look.

Azzi didn’t flinch. Didn’t look away.

Instead, Instead, she let the tequila settle into her bloodstream—heavy and electric—make her braver, meaner, more dangerous than she meant to be.

Because she knew.

Deep down, beneath the buzz and the bitterness, she knew. Paige wanted to be seen. Dressed like that. Standing like that. Moving through the room like a storm looking for something to wreck.

So Azzi brought her glass to her lips—slow, deliberate—never once breaking eye contact.

She took the smallest sip. Barely enough to taste. Then set it down, exhaling through her nose like the moment bored her.

And with the same hand, she dragged the pad of her thumb across her bottom lip. A careless swipe. Just enough to smear the color. Just enough to ruin it, slightly.

Azzi didn’t have to wonder if Paige saw it.

She watched it hit. Like a breath caught wrong. The flicker behind her eyes. The slight part of her lips. The twitch in her jaw. The way her stance shifted like her body remembered before her brain did.

And Azzi knew exactly what was playing in her head.

Those nights. The drunk, desperate nights when Paige would kiss her like she was running out of time. Hands everywhere, mouth stained red, murmuring stay still, baby like Azzi ever had a chance in hell of doing that.

Paige’s eyes were still locked on hers. So Azzi tilted her head. Let her teeth drag slow over her bottom lip. Let her gaze rake down Paige’s frame—unhurried, unapologetic.

And when she looked back up, she smirked. Not big. Not soft. Just enough.

A warning. A memory. A fucking invitation she didn’t mean to send. But the tequila was warm in her blood, and Paige was still standing there—sharp-eyed, motionless—like she couldn’t breathe until Azzi moved again.

And Azzi wanted her to feel it. Wanted her to remember.

Teeth dragging across her collarbone. Nails curled into her hip. The breathless, bruising kind of want they never talked about in the morning. The kind that lived in locked jaws and clenched fists and the way Paige used to whisper her name like a threat. Like a prayer. Like a plea.

She wanted it to hit like a bruise blooming too late. Wanted to ruin her with wanting.

Azzi wanted to win.

Because this, this game they kept playing, the back-and-forth of I don’t need you but God, I can’t look away?

The slow, bruising battle of who hurt who worse?

Azzi hadn’t invented it.

She’d learned it.

And Paige had been a damn good teacher.

[auraxins]

hsr 2.2 live react utc (spoilers!)

oh my fuckng god the quest overview ARE WE MEETING HIM ALREADY?!?!

BOOTHILL UR SO HOT IDEC THAT U HAVE A GUN TO DH RN

his voice oh my god ,,,,,,,

fuck the live reacts this is now 2 hrs of boothill screaming condensed into one post /hj

I NEED TO EAT HIM

MUDDLE FUDGER I'M CRYING

I'm so obsessed w the fact that they've been able to make him sooooo vulgar just bc they can censor the words via his filter LOL

son of a nice lady NDBDJDBDMDB

yes I will be giggling over every single one of these

BOOOOO SCENE CHANGE /j

it's okay it's acheron <3

is she abt to get yoinked by the harmony :o

OHHHH THE BIRDDDDD

"by the sounds of it it seems you're asking me to leave penacony" baby what the fuck ELSE are they doing /j

ROBINS POV?!

she's trying to mitigate collateral and stop ppl freaking out aw :(

loving her music playing in the bg

OF COURSE ITS SPARKLE SMFH GET THAT BUTTON OUTTA HERE

WAH TRAILBLAZER POV :(

oooo stuff abt the script again

aw firefly i forgive u i think

THE DIALOGUE "I completely understand!" or "I'm completely confused!" SENT MEBDJDBDJDB

picked confused btw LOL

BLADE ?!?!

IN A CAR !??!

IN A SUIT !?!??!?!?!?!?!

ik I'm supposed to be paying attention to the story here but HOWWWW am I supposed to when hyv is FEEDING ME

blade being nice :((((((( naw why did that make me cry LMFAO

oh the setting design of this place is SOOO good

MISHA

"GALLAGHER'S BEEN TAKING CARE OF IT" ??????????

YAY MARCH !!!

REAL ROBIN YAYAYAYAYAYY !!!!!

SUNDAY!!!!

"here she is" THATS FIREFLY PLSSSS

the trailblazer lore :((

CHICKEN WING SIBLING REUNION WAAAAAAAA

ah so here's the stellaron's involvement okay

the stellaron is the theater :o I like it

AVENTURINEEEEE

bro if he shows up I will BAWL

special gift for the nameless omg,,,,

CUTSCENE CUTSCENE

OOOOOOOOOO

WHOAAAAA WHEN U LOOK UP U CAN SEE BUILDINGS :O

the dream bubble is empty??? nihility ????

BOOTHILL POV!!!!!!

FUCK YEAH BABY WE'RE SO BACK

STAWPPPP HES PRETENDING TO BE POMPOM IM CRYING

HIS PHONE IS SO CUTE R U KIDDING MEEEEEEE the bullet hole JDNDMDN fuck i love him sm

Robin ur so cute but I need ur banner to GO I want my HUSBAND

what if I simply never play hsr again now, that way he's mine forever <3

he swears so much he's just like me fr

Well I'll be forked LOL

STREET SMARTS

no dan heng dynamite barbecue with rocket fuel isn't something humans enjoy, boothill is a fucking weirdo /aff

BOOTHILL U CANT JUST TAKE HOSTAGES MY GUY

he has memory issues too ,,, perfect

ACHERON

shirtbag djdndjdbd

God I love his cunty little shooting stance

ACHERON BACKSTORY!??!

damn back to robins pov

Well. Actually Robins Pov now LOL

Sunday <3

THE CONFESSIONAL??? ough

omg welts gonna meet the dream master :o iont trust sunday putting his hand behind his back tho LOL

Robin on Robin violence let's GO

canon yandere sunday is so fun I'm so glad he's a lil fucked up

trailblazer pov !!!

of course we have to take part in a pageant to get into the theater early of COURSE WE DO (<- one of his fav media tropes)

the pulsating tvs are SO fun

also this music fucks so hard icl

ew I need to charge my phone so I'm gonna nyoom thru these battles whilst that happens I'll be back

I'M BACK AND OH MY FUCKING GOD ARGENTI

so argenthill is feasible considering they very much could cross paths in penacony huh

i can't wait to see who the other arena boss is tbh but I'm sure I'll find out some other time LOL (if someone wants to tell me that would be very cool)

I RECOGNISE THAT VOICE

oh it's only sunday sigh

wait a minute why is sunday here

OH???

God ik we probably won't get it but a Sunday boss fight would be so fun

omg yay we get to see the dreammaster meeting finally

YEAAAA BAD GUY SUNDAY LETS FUCKING GO

I LOVE that they're not actually part of the harmony that's SUCH a good twist

OUCH ROBIN

of course I'd still support Robin smh u gotta be free to choose ur own path and if that's what she wants then so be it

sunday stop yapping and get on with it

an infinite precession of sundays,,, funnily enough i don't think ppl would enjoy that /j

all of this forsaking reality shit is giving persona 5 third semester vibes and idk abt yall but that did not end well for the guy trying to tout it /j

trailblazer should be allowed to tell sunday to go fuck himself as a treat tbh

o shit misha has a connection to the empty dream bubble

oh my GOD IS MISHA THE WATCHMAKER

.....'s grandson okay yeah im into it

OH YEAH I FUCKING CALLED IT I KNEW IT I KNEWWWWWWW IT WAS HIM !!!!

WAAAAA ALL THE MISHA BACKSTORY ITS SO GOOD

this is making me CRYYYYYYYYY

THIS CUTSCENE IS SO GOOD FUCK ME

XIPEEEEEEEEE

SUNDAY BOSS FIGHT IS GOING TO BE REAL I CAN FEEL IT IN MY BONES

HARMONY TRAILBLAZER UNLOCKED FUCK YES

I'm so fucking obsessed w their design for this for real

SUPER BREAK !!!

CUTSCENE AGAIN WAAAAAAAAAAA FIREFLY I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

acheron flashback ,,,,,

HOLY FORKERONI I've missed u bbg

Holy wubbaboo,,,

YEAAAAAAA GET JING YUAN OVER HERE LETS GOOOOOO

"my companions are also once in a lifetime treasures" dan heng I will kiss u if u keep this shit up

oh shits about to get FUNKY

the music is so discordant it fits the vibes SO well

I will say I'm v impressed w how many 20-jade chests we've been given thru this act 2 sequence ty hyv for feeding my boothill funds

fuck me yeah this quest so far alone has given like 9 whole passes (including partial exploration of the new areas I should add)

I need to see art of Sunday w these puppets like asap

oughhhh not being able to change the emotions at the end is so good

CUTSCENE CUTSCENE !!!!!!

OHHH THE STAGE LOOKS SO COOL

SHOW ME THE SUNDAY FIGHT CMONNNNNNN

THE MUSICCCCCCC

YEAH U TELL HIM HIMEKO AND MARCH FUCK HIM UP !

CUTSCENE AGAINNNN!!!!!! YEAAAAAAA

sooooo lame that it isn't actually sunday we're fighting smh

OHHHHHHH DOMINICUS IS VERY COOL

dear God I ended up passing that fight by a HAIR

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

DHIL AND JY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! disappointing that that moment was literally what was shown in the trailer and that's all but !!!!!! STILL COOL!!

yay more boothill :3

"fork, huh? I myself prefer spooning" well u KNOW I have to choose that option now

everyone forgot abt acheron????

YAY JING YUAN !!!

omg we can watch the trial how fun

my presence has been insisted??? :o

plsplsplspls tell me the ipc rep isn't topaz (not bc i dislike her bc I actually rly do enjoy her she just isn't the ipc member i want 2 see rn)

FUCK YES AVENTURINEEEEEEEEEE

YK HOW I SAID I WOULD CRY IF WE SAW HIM?? I AM BAWLING NOW

black swan and boothill as temporary express members FUCK YES

let me guess we're not gonna end up jumping to where we've decided to huh

END CREDITS SCENE??? did this happen at the end of the luofu story too I genuinely don't rmb

WHAT

what's happening rn

WE'RE STILL FUCKING STUCK IN THE DREAMSCAPE BECAUSE OF MISHA?!?

ACHERON!?

don't tell me I have to do the boss fight again ...

to be fair this does make sense considering we still have loose ends wrt sparkle but my god

YEAAAA DAN HENG AND BOOTHILL wait omg how did he get into the dreamscape

oh bc of black swan DUH

damn so jy appearance technically isn't canon? /j

i am very glad Robin and boothill are playing a larger role in the actual resolution of this tbf

GODDAMNIT THAT MEANS AVENTURINES STATUS IS STILL UNKNOWN FUCK SHIT FUCKING DAMMIT

yes I'm ready please oh god get this quest over with I've been here for FIVE HOURS

oughhhh the hands getting nearer to the black hole that's such a good little detail

WAAAAAA ITS BEEN TIERNAN THAT ACHERON HAS BEEN TALKING TO ???

God I fucking love the trailblazer sm

RAIDEN MEI !!!!!! CRYING SCREAMING THROWING UP

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

BRO I'M LOSING MY MINDDDDD

WAAAAAAAAA ROBIN :((((((

THE POWER OF MUSIC IS SAVING US :((((

I'm crying so fucking hard rn it's hard to see to fight properly LOL

yk I was so content w that other ending being the real end and then hyv rly went yeah no fuck u we're just getting started LMFAO

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA BC SOMEDAY WE WILL WAKE FROM OUR DREAMS :((((

ROBIN AND SUNDAY :(((( BAWLING AGAIN

I RECOGNISE THAT VOICE,,,,,,

THE END FOR REAL :((((((

I do fucking love the end credits reflecting that everything is a part of Elios scripts

WAHHHH THE IN LOVING MEMORY :((((

crying again

AVENTURINEEEEEE BABYGIRL I'M SO GLAD TO SEE YOU

ARGENTI HELPED HIM?????

"I'll bet my life, ma'am" STOPPPPPPP

BOOTHILL?!

screwwubbaboo NDNJDNSKS I love him I need him so badly

I have a better question. WHO is Oswaldo Schneider?

NAWT THE TO BE CONTINUED UGH

that was so fucking good

wish it wasn't 5 and a half hours long but what can ya do ig

Big fan, def my fav hyv storyline to date

if by any godforsaken reason any of u read this thru to the end im giving u a lil forehead smoochie ily

[skyburger]

i had a thought but i forgot it and now im sick pf trying and failinh to remember it so im just thinkinh about playinh loddlenauts again now aoighhuggghhh i brought my switch up to my room even tho im tired as fuck amd went ohhhh ill play for a bit before i sleep and then it had been two hours so when i went 2 get water i left my switch downstairs which was definitely the right choice becausr i reeeeeaally wamnq play more rn even though im strugglimg to keep my eyes open i dont know what it is about it but its like cleaning simulator on roblox kinda if you ever played that but you its under da sea and u get to befriend these little creature things called loddles thats why the game us called that and its awesome its the bedt game ever. u can make toys for them and pet them and flash your diving helmet lights at them and theyll flash their little cheek lights back at u and theyre so awesomr. i asked my brother what to name the first one i found and he said bobert (my sister suggested harvard first for some reason) so his name is BOBERT!!!!!! in all caps causr i turned it on by accident and theres 6 exclamation points bevause the charaxter limit for nicknames is 12 idk why i remember that. im like obsessed with this game dude i saw it on the switch news tab of new games and it mustve been like right after the switcg port released becsuse there was only a japanese version of the news post so i couldnt read most of it but i saw the art abd went phhh this looks cute! and i watched the trailer and bro i was fucking CAPTIVATED. and i finally had money 2 buy it (i got some money before today but i bought the replacement gamecube controller weve needed for ages first) so i bought it yoday cause i asked my sister and she eas like yes this looks so fun. i tried to convince her to play car turning simulator but she was like do not fucking buy that i will not play it (even though i think if she played it itd be the kinda game she gets way too invested in beating a <- AHAHAHAAAAAA MY PHONE DIED AND TOOK LIKE 20+ MINUTES TO RESSURECT BUT MY UNSENT POST SAVED THANKCOD...... i thiught i might fall asleep while thathappened but i perserveres vecause id be soooo annoyed if tumblr saved my draft after my phome died but i lost it again cause i fell asleep bwfore i could get it ect ect anyway i just finished rewatcging sagan hawkes' "creepy dinosaur game" video which os very cool i like it a lot :) im 4 eel abt to fall asleep like holy mackerel im so tired but omg i forgot its saturday today YAAAAY I HAVE ALL OF SUNDAY TOOOOO i spent like 76.4% of today thinking it was sunday anyway yeah i need to shut up or ill keep talking 4ever so thsts all 4 now fellas. (markiplier voice) thank you everybody so much for reading and i will see You in the next post. buh-bye!!! 👋

pic unrelated i just like to add images 2 post. images are pretty cool dontcha think. Peace & love

[randomcontentdude]

The only one that can get inside of their place, so I’m monitoring their location and I see they stop at the stadium for a bit, so I assume equestrian friend needs to puke (I was later told she was, indeed, puking, and also that some cars almost chopped her head off). So I’m running through the avenue and if I had a penny for every time I have ran this avenue while being under the influence I would have three pennies, which is way too many times running down this mf place in the middle of the night. Now that I have everything im just running down the ave trying to get to monkey’s place until I decide to check their location and they were inside of the house, which allowed me to chill out and just walk like a normal person. I drop everything off but at this point I had forgotten my headphones so I decide to call a friend of mine, and I told her how I felt about not ever being as attracted to anyone as I was to GG blonde and how it’s awful to think I’ll have to “settle” for someone or how I would feel if someone settled for me and how it was unfair, how everything was super confusing at this point and that I was unsure of what was gonna happen, she told me to meet up with him the following day. I get inside of my place after staying in the phone outside for half and hour at 4am in 2C. I took a boiling shower and went to bed.

Sunday

God okay so we’re eventually catching up with the days of the week, I’m writing this on Wednesday but oh well. So I wake up on Sunday and life felt great for me, I asked him if he wanted to go climbing to which he answered positively, we talked about finals and studying and this is where I learn he finishes his exams right before I leave for the holidays, meaning he could be gone by the time I come back to the city. So now it is truly a “is this the last time I’ll ever see him”. Anyways, now I’m starting to feel uni deadlines breathing in my neck, assignments and midterms coming up and I’ve wasted my weekend in completely random side quests instead of properly studying. This is where I mention that I was in the phone with my mom when she asked about emo friend and his boyfriend, and she said “Ig we’re cursed in love, we always have bad luck” and I’ll talk about that in more depth in later posts. I’m feeling super stressed because these are two courses I’ve been out of date and completely lost on for the last few weeks. So I’m desperately downing macroeconomic presentations until I can't do it anymore, at some point I hope onto the sofa where my friends are watching a movie and eventually I crash asleep for like 15 minutes. I wake up and keep studying, im picking at literally any little snacks im able to find In the house even tho im super full because I had a whole pot of pasta for lunch. Anyways, time comes around and I head home to change, GG blonde tells me he's gonna be a bit late but thats fine because I was running late too, I always account for him being late so im never on a rush unless I am. I leave for the climbing gym and eventually we meet, I feel bored with him, I feel stuck. I had been going to the climbing gym for a few days non stop by this point so all the routes were a bit boring by now but I was also bored because I feel like him and I are stuck, were not progressing anywhere, we're not becoming friends and we are not becoming lovers neither and this constant limbo is getting to me, i cannot handle it no more, I decide its enough, I feel uncomfortable and like im wasting my time, I feel dine, I feel rage and boredom, I feel bothered, I feel annoyed. I tell him he looks distracted and he tells me about how one of his exes reached out to him yesterday, I tell him id rather kill myself than having to deal with someone from my past but he says it didn't end badly and that he has good memories with him, it was just not meant to be. At this point I already feel like leaving, so we climb a bit more and then we leave. I go home and im stressed about macroeconomics, I couldn't care any less about gg blonde, im done with him (I desperately want to talk with him). I try to study a bit but decide im to stressed and tired and just go to bed.

Monday

So I wake up Monday feeling a little better, I go to class and we have a bit of a fun time trying to nail some posters into the concrete wall with some pins, I go to pilates. I send an instagram reel to gg blonde about climbing with someone thats super tall and he answers "evil midgets" to which I answer "Yk I thought I saw you last night, then I realised it was just a pole, tall and stiff😁" he answered "wowww, fair enough". I feel great about myself, I joked about him and I feel like im in control, I feel like we're friendly and I get to lowkey insult him. bear in mind im super flexible so I get to say his stiff if I want. At night the following happens and I feel like I have some feelings about this so here I go. In the flat our flatmates decide to meet, I dont really care about anything they might say but in case they say something really stupid I decide im not going to to be there so I can have plausible deniability, I love my plausible deniability, I dont say anything, i dont agree, I dont disagree, so then I get to to whatever I want, but that is because I dont really mind or care and know I will mostly abide with what they ask me. I tell this to emo friend and he decides he also wants plausible deniability, he decides he also will come to monkey friend's house. I agree because, it's not my house and I know monkey friend also likes him. I will be studying anyways so it's not really worthy for me to clash about this, however I am a bit annoyed that I dont get a break, sometimes I feel he is too clingy. And here is the thing, he has a lot of problems with the people of the flat, he is constantly annoyed by them, he has to solve his beef, he is not like day them and they do not like him. Im distant but polite and nice with everyone, emo friend has this tendency of talking shit about them when he knows they will hear him and im stuck In the middle of everything. I cook dinner and take it to monkey's, we eat and I try to work on my homework, im not getting anything, I cannot do this assignment and im going to do so bad, I feel a lot of guilt coming in, all the weekend procrastinating. Why have I done this? why am I so irresponsible? I need to handle my shit. Emo friend helps me out, he literally gives me the answers allowing me to turn in my assignments in time. I feel grateful for him, even when sometimes I wanna kill him and I just want to be left alone, he is a good friend and im ultimately grateful to have him. I go back home and go to bed.

Tuesday

I come back from uni and just sleep all afternoon, I have an statistics midterm the following day and I had not studied shit, im feeling super bad and im annoyed and im sad and im stressed, I call my mom and ask her to get me a new Apple Pencil because mine got lost at the beginning of the semester and it would be rather nice to finally give some use to my iPad, she agrees, I go to pay, they dont accept her credit card. I try again, error again. I give up, ive got to pay for it, I aint got any money so now I have to wait after travelling to get my Apple Pencil and be broke for another month. Im craving suicide, it's not accepted because the card is not from the same country as the store, I know this because it has happened many times before. I tell her im gonna chop off my hair because I cannot deal with it anymore, she tells me to go to the hairdresser and now im spiralling. I hate the products I currently have and I dont have time nor money to go back to my previous routine, I am terrified of going to the hairdresser, I have known I need a haircut for at least two months now but ive been in constant denial because im terrified. I have been growing out my hair for at least two years now and im scared they are going to cut it too short, I never had a good haircut in my whole entire life, I had an undercut for like two years and im recovering from that, im trying to grow everything equally and it is indeed time for me to visit the hairdresser, but Im panicked. I buy myself a mystery pack from a cafeteria near my place, they are super cheap because its the leftovers of the day and its a lot of food. I go pick it up ad had a funny situation with the door which lightened up my mood a bit, and something that made me super happy was that they gave me two of my fave sandwiches. I have that for dinner and some extra pastries, at this point im feeling super anxious and I know im not gonna focus anyways, so I tell him to come over to my room since he had asked me to have dinner earlier and I had declined, I told him I had some pastries left. He comes over we talk, he eats all my pastries, mind you there were like 5 pieces of pastries left. God I know you haven't got dinner and that you're desperately trying to safe every penny you have but leave my pastries out of it, I dont give that much importance to it since I had gotten my moneys worth already and they were too many calories I shouldn't have been consuming since I have been stress eating junk food since Sunday, but im still annoyed by this, its manners, dont eat my pastries, what if I wanted some for breakfast? there were FIVE pieces left, if not more, and you decide to eat them all, well thank you. I keep studying once he leaves deep into the night, I am going insane, im not understanding shit, im confused, I want to go back home but I realise im far too deep into this shit and I can't go back home at this point and I have to finish my career here, I want to cry myself to sleep. I go to bed giving up in my midterm.

Wednesday

I wake up skipping my first class, I print some formulas that I needed for the exam and head to the bus station, I like using the train but its okay because I live a minute away (literally) from the bus station, I try to catch snow-white but I miss her by a few people, the trains were not working properly and theres only two ways of getting to our uni, train or bus, so the buses were going full. Luckily the system was in our favour and they decided to send more buses to our line and as soon as snowhites bus left I got into a another one and got to uni with time, I was stressed, I was feeling down. I study for a bit and get to my midterm, I notice one of my friends using chatgtp to cheat and im like she so smart wtf, but my moral code is too strong and I push through. We get out, I had told Plurinational friend I was not staying for pilates, my morale is on the floor. She insists that I stay and that it will bring my spirits back up, I stay for lunch, emo friend comes along which is nice but not so much because I feel oversaturated of him. I want to talk one on one with plurinational because I want to tell her about how I feel in general in regards to my academics and my general mood, how im feeling down and stressed. We leave and im able to talk about it for a bit with her, I go with her to the gym building but ultimately decide im not coming in, Im not feeling it. I leave, as I leave tho, I get a text from Canary friend (plurinational's best friend) asking how things were with GG blonde, since I had updated her last week on everything, but for me it was obvious plurinational wanted to know if something had gone down with him, im annoyed at this, am I not allowed to feel bad for my academics? is this what im reduced into? liking a blonde?

I go my merry way, because of the delays it takes me around an hour to get home when usually it is 30 minutes including waiting time. I had a normal afternoon soon pretend a fast forward of my afternoon while I tell you this. I texted ring guy (I guy I was seeing back in the summer that sorta ghosted me but not really because we have each other on instagram?) because I noticed im hormonal at the moment (super horny and my facial hair is growing faster than usual) and he didn't text back, he hasn't to tis day (its Friday when I write this bit) so I started feeling a little insecure in general and I deleted the entire chat. I dont give it that much importance anyways.

We are going to watch wicked to the cinema, we have been trying to coordinate this for like two weeks now and im super annoyed from the beginning because somewhy im responsible to get the tickets and schedule everything and it makes no sense because plurinational and emo decide to insult me about this and even tho they are joking im a bit annoyed by this. I feel like im taking onto a responsibility that I dont have to so that everyone can have a good time and I just get shit for this. We are 20 minutes early for the movie, without counting the trailers, and I want to get snacks at this store that I really like, but no one wants to come with me so after I already led them to the cinema, and insisting for them to please come get snacks with me, I decide to just go get my snacks and being like fuck them. I talked about this with emo friend already amongst other situations I dont really want to touch on anymore because it will be brought up in other posts. but they weren't too happy about this.

Lastly and before I finally finish this post, during the movie I couldve sworn I saw GG blonde in the room, this blonde skinny tall guy with rings was sitting just across the stairs from me. This lead me onto a full on spiral. for two reasons:

was that how many fucking coincidences could we have, this had to be a fucking joke.

My friends were going to kill me if I said hi to him, it was gonna be tragic.

And after this point I realise how fucking asshole shit friends both emo and plurinational were, they made me feel guilty about how I felt, they undermined both mine and my therapists decisions and they were not supportive for me at all. They both created a hostile environment for me and my feelings, they created an environment where I felt punished for having feelings and being in a complex situation, they did not try to understand how I was feeling and on top of that they made me feel like I was guilty for them teaming up and distancing themselves from me because of this. And then again I feel so pressured and that im seen as non human to them, like im not allowed to have feelings, or a life outside of them. Like I have to be patient and supportive when they need something but when I AM for ONCE in a YEAR AND A HALF that we have known each other, I am the bad guy, I am a danger to my wellbeing and im stupid for doing what feels right. How are they even my friends?

On that same note, literally as I was finishing this last paragraph, emo friend opened my door unwarned, unnecessary to say I got terrified, but also I enjoy my alone time, im an only child, I like doing things on my own... anyways, lemme get onto my next post, so many things to say.

hello my gorgeous readers (my therapist), its almost 1am on a Monday and ive got to wake up tomorrow however ive had you abandoned over the weekend and I feel like I have so much to write from the weekend, this is a week full of stress and I just want to start it with a clean slate when it comes to events in my life. This was a long weekend since Friday was festive so I have extra info, this might take a few blogs hehe. I am currently listening to memories..do not open by the chainsmokers, which is probably something I would've listened back in my original posts back in 2020.

Thursday

This was a super long day, I went to therapy and got lost in my way there since I had to go to another clinic that's not the one I usually go to. I feel like it went quite well, it turns out my therapist actually reads my posts which is impressive since I wrote a lot here in the last few weeks, im not seeing her until after finals so ig our next session will be packed. It was a good sesh tho, I updated her on everything and her response was quite positive, we were able to also talk about my relationship with my body and food and ive got to say im on a very good stage of it, I will never be fully recovered but thats just how I was wired and she also brought attention to the fact thats its an agenda being pushed at us all the time so how can I move on if its everywhere?

Anyways, I went climbing that afternoon with my friends, Cheesy friend's ex fling turned into friend (we will call her fellow country girl since we both come from the same country) started coming with us. My fellow country girl is super nice to me, we have a lot of fun together and she advices me on whatever she cans, she is super cool and hardworking and I like her, monkey friend doesn't like her that much tho, I do. We were playing tough in the climbing gym and I accidentally hit her head with something(?), cheesy friend brought this to my attention and I felt super bad, all of the sudden I was a little kid again hurting his friends while playing, I apologised to FCG and said I wouldn't do it again, she answered to keep doing it, that she liked to play tough because she grew up with like 4 brothers or something, I was astonished but it lightened the mood for me. It was a quick climbing sesh because cheesy friend and I were down for a boys night.

I ran home and got ready, put on my fancy coat because it wasn't any boys night, it was coat boys night since Cheesy friend had just gotten a new coat too. After a very funny incident hopping onto metros, me telling him he was on the wrong way and then him having to run across the station, we finally made it to the same train, and off to boys night. Boys night is something super fun that started one evening where we went to see a speed climbing competition and started bar hopping and just had such a good time the two of us and now we just try to do it as often as possible, this is just our second one but it ought to keep going. We accidentally got into a gay bar which was super funny to me because Cheesy friend is a 183cm straight 31yo next to a 19yo gay twink, he doesn't mind tho, he's been through worse when it comes to gay clubs, and honestly, so have I. we just had like a blast, I did the "wait, they dont love you like I love you" dance in the middle of the street and a girl saw us which amused cheesy friend for the rest of the night. We found this very cool bar that I will deffo be going back to, I took some pictures for this post actually(the purple lights with the screens). I feel like he didn't want to go to the last bar but he gave in because I wanted to, I feel a bit sad about that but he had a good time too, we always do. We visited 5 bars, thats a new record. We went our separate ways, I bought myself a burger and watched an episode of the end of the fucking world on Netflix before going to bed. I always watch it on my birthday but I didn't this year, so I owe it a watch.

Friday

I woke up super confused, I have hyperrealistic dreams when I drink and today was one of those days, I woke up unsure of if I had cancelled my plans for the day and thinking I had texted GG blonde, wasn't the case. I was able to remember everything from last night and neither of those things were real so idk what happened there. I had plans with my virtual friend turned into real life friend (lets call him virtual friend even tho we live in the same city now). He's one of the few people I talked to during the pandemic, we met on a Taylor swift community on the internet like 7 years ago and now we live in the same city. We went to a museum and I put on a cute aesthetic outfit and he took some pictures of me (I'll add one here), we talked about life and boys and pop culture and life. He came with me to do some Christmas shopping and soft launched our friendship with my mom. He was a bit upset I hadn't told my mom about this little friendship we have had going on for the last years, I guess I was always scared of my mom taking my phone away from me and then of her getting upset about me lying or hiding things, his mom knows about me tho, so im considering telling my mom soon.

Saturday

At this point I should’ve been studying already, however, I didn’t. I read like 3 slides of the presentation I had to study and moved on, I can’t truly remember what I did during the day, I had lunch? And went climbing? No, I had a very heavy lunch, then I went climbing with my friends and we went to a café, I had an alfajor and then was sort of falling asleep. I also bought a can of Arizona tea on the way there which made me very happy. I went home and took a nap, and I wanted to keep napping but I had to get ready because my friends from uni wanted to go to the supermarket? And I don’t want them to think(or notice) they’re the other friends so I have to accept, we ended up going to my favourite supermarket tho so that was fun, I had to leave early tho because I had a dinner party with Monkey friend and company. It was a cute little dinner party for a Colombian holiday where you turn on candles for the death and for your wishes. This is one of my favourite things about living in my current city, everything is sparkling with different cultures and traditions and it’s just awesome. I manifested money, I wished for a “blondie” as I’ve been wishing for for the last few years but never seems to happen for me, and I also set a candle for my late father, it’s so weird because now that I’m the furthest from home I’m the closest to commemorating him and remembering him and who he was and what he liked.

Anyways, here’s the deal when I go out with them and by now when I go out in general: I don’t drink or if I do I drink very little. I haven’t made a recap yet but there’s many reasons why I shouldn’t be allowed near alcohol. So I just enjoyed the night and the cats and the pizza and the company and went my merry way just drinking a few plastic cups of wine by the end of the night and trying a bit of this traditional schnapps and that was it. Monkey friend was really excited about going out and making out with someone, whilst equestrian friend mission was to get super drunk and god she did. Since we were going out I gave little side quests to everyone and they gave me a bunch and that was gonna be fun to do.

Night was progressing and I decided to have a bit of the wine I had brought, I was a little disappointed cause it was a nicer wine and it wasn’t all that good honestly, I also tried a bit of said schnapps but that was it for me. I urged the need to leave since it was getting late and if we wanted to find somewhere cool it would’ve been impossible if we took any longer. Cheesy friend and I took the elevator with equestrian friend, this is when we notice she’s not precisely sober, however at this point we think she just needs a little walk and some water, so while we’re carrying her I get her some water in the hopes she starts to feel better. We hop onto the metro and reach our station, this is when she says she is indeed not feeling well and decides she wants to go home, of course we all go with her. We just had to change metro lines so we did that and, I’ve got to say, I’ve got a fair bit of drunk stories both of me and friends of mine, I’m an alcoholic empath if you may, so I could tell by the face of this woman she is going to throw up. As we reach the following station (mind you it is a 30 minute metro ride back home) she lets us know she’s going to be sick, for me this is obvious. I step back as she gets up and cheesy and monkey help her get out, it is as she’s stepping off the wagon she projectile vomits onto monkey friend, I can tell this woman is having a bad night. I stay in awe but not for too long since I know the metro is going to close the door and keep going. We all get off and equestrian friend starts puking in the corner, and she keeps puking. We were well passed the time the last metro had left the origin station, we were in luck this line is super long and slow so we had some spare time, the next one passes and we are not ready to get in. The next one passes, we stay, that was the last one. We’re stranded 40 minutes away from home. At this point we have to take the night bus, this was usually a 15 minute walk from where we were. A guard lets us know it’s time to leave the station since they were closing, and we go off to this main avenue, we are able to walk a block down when she finds some bushes and starts puking there, I go get her a sandwich because at this point she’s not even puking, she’s just spitting. She’s claiming she’s about to die. These girls pass in a car and scream at us “you’ve got this girl, we’ve all been there!”, this creepy dude asks us if we need anything cause he lived right there, my friends say he invited us in, for me he just asked if we needed anything he could provide for us. Mind you we spent around an hour in this situation. This is where I start spiralling, I’m thinking of gg blonde and what he was probably doing(sleeping tbf) and about how gorgeous he was (I feel stupid writing this now cause these feelings feel so distant now). So I was panicking while equestrian friend was throwing up and I decide it’s time for us to move on, she’s not progressing and it’s late and cold and we all want to get home. So we decide we will not take the night bus but an uber, however that it is a good idea to start walking in to direction to the bus and following its route since it’s basically all the way through another main avenue and we basically live on it so it’s our best chance to get her to sober up before putting her inside of a vehicle. As we’re walking im trying to feed her but she can’t swallow, I notice she’s about to run out of water so I rush to a subway I knew was on the area to get her some hydrating drinks, we go past some super posh clubs and all I can think of is how cool would’ve been to grow up rich in this city, it just would’ve been the coolest thing ever. Monkey asks me if I can get equestrian some electrolytes for the next morning, so when they hop onto the taxi I take the bus so I can get down at the 24h pharmacy near my place, pick up a something that cheesy can wear to sleep cause ofc he would be staying over at the girls’, and this is when I notice I have their keys, and monkey told me they only brought one set of keys tonight, so now I’m panicking because I am…

[golbrocklovely]

since i have nothing else to post right now…

here’s the last of colby’s tweets from 2020.

i don’t have proof that these are his tweets, but believe me, they are his.

if it’s bold and italicized, it’s someone’s tweet to him.

if it’s in (), that’s just me commenting lol

added bonus: if they have a * next to them, that means it’s been deleted

~~~~~~~~~~

Oct. 1 - love doing things for myself

Oct. 4 - i’m in so much pain. sos

fan: u ok?

poison oak. everywhere …. everywhere.

Oct. 5 - i like the simple things

Oct. 7 - less is more

Oct. 10 - i wanna make you happy

how am i so busy during the day but still manage to find 2 hours to mindlessly scroll through tik tok? i can’t be the only one

Oct. 14 - i care too much

Oct. 15 - somehow it wasn’t enough

Oct. 18 - fan: I CANT BE THE ONLY ONE WHO ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT COLBY SMELLED LIKE..I WANA KNOW WHAT COLOGNE HE WEARS

mayonnaise

(i hate this man so much lmao)

Oct. 19 - Justin Bieber’s new song made me tear up, that dudes been through so much. no one could even imagine what that’s like.. achieving everything and being in the biggest spotlight at such a young age.

Oct. 20 - @/samgolbach: less than 6 months ago i broke my back. and i decided to take that as a challenge to get healthy again. and today i ran the fastest mile i’ve ever run. so yes, i might be an idiot but i’m a determined idiot 🤘🏼��🏼

🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼 that’s an insane accomplishment ! i remember when it was a struggle to stand up out of bed

new day, same cycle

Oct. 21 - my mom is texting me all the young pictures of me and it’s bringing me memories i didn’t know i had

Oct. 25 - panic attacks late at night are the worst

Nov. 1 - @/colbybrockscar: reminder that it’s no nut November!!! @/ColbyBrock doesn’t even have to try. He’s got this shit in the bag. It probs comes out like baby powder if he tries

did my car just roast me ?

Nov. 4 - this is scary

cuties! all 3 of you! (reply to fan in merch with friend and cat)

Nov. 6 - @/GracynCarr: I can’t believe the audacity of a high school tweet to pop up on my timeline lmao.. miss u tho @/ColbyBrock :)

hope you're well xx

Nov. 8 - so much talent thank youu love (reply to fan's art)

fan: Um. So I tweeted this to you before but alot has also changed since then sooo wanted to say thank you 🖤 🖤 @/ColbyBrock

proud of you, and good luck with your dreams darlin 🖤 you can accomplish anything with the right mindset and hard work. i believe in ya

time flies, and i’m so scared of losing my youth. it’s inevitable i know, but damn makes you wanna cherish every moment you got

Nov. 11 - i hate when nothing is wrong but nothing feels right

Nov. 12 - the person who makes you forget about the rest of the world

Nov. 13 - today marks 6 years since we posted our first YT video on the MAIN S&C account .. 🖤 what a wild ride

Nov. 14 - promise you i’m a good waste of time

Nov. 15 - @/katstuartmusic: “sunday is my funday” - colby brock 2020

🥂💁🏻‍♂️💁🏻‍♂️

fan: Colby u get drunk off of one white claw

fight me

other fan: my money is on mags

round house kicks to the face don’t feel too good

(is it bad that i like when colby gets weirdly violent with us sksksks)

Nov. 16 - the Why Dont We dudes are some of the nicest people in LA

*Nov. 17 - @/gabytriana: It’s out! Sam and Colby were so much fun to work with, and despite what Colby said, I did not hate him when we first met! 😆 Both he and Sam are super kind, smart, generous entertainers who know how to tell a good story! I love them both!! Happy Book Birthday, @/samandcolby

hahaha thank youu so much for all the hard work ! so excited it’s finally here

(interestingly enough, colby didn't delete his tweet… gaby did)

Nov. 19 - went to a Pyschic Reader tonight. my mind is blown. im not a skeptic anymore, video coming tomorrow

fan: Get ready for religious people to freak out

the psychic i talked to was religious, i’m not sure how but i think the two concepts can exist at the same time

Nov. 21 - hard to trust

fan: @/ColbyBrock hey, i love u lots

love you 🖤

Nov. 23 - fan: imagine if @/ColbyBrock responded to this

could you imagine

Nov. 24 - fan: lmao okay so my friend put this together when I FINALLY received Colby's reaper merch yesterday and I had to laugh, I am actually stupid. But I thought it was a lil funny so y'all can see it too then xx

hahahha love it. thank you. you’re not a sack of potatoes in my eyes

Nov. 27 - happy b day @/SamGolbach you know this and imma save the sappy shit for your big 25th bday but i wouldn’t be here without you. you’re the most intelligent, deep thinking dude i’ve ever met and i feel pretty damn lucky to be able to call you a business partner AND best friend

Nov. 28 - take it easy

Nov. 30 - should i hop back on tik tok?

Dec. 2 - @/aaron_doh: At least I got a photo shoot out of it 😄

whaaat. dude i wish you a speedy recovery

Dec. 3 - it’s hard to move on

Dec. 5 - a nice escape is all i need

welp. i guess i’m a lightweight

Dec. 9 - miss you

Dec. 14 - all the baggage that comes with me

Dec. 15 - been workin hard for you , announcement tomorrow

fan: omg are you pregaganant

how'd you know

@/samandcolby: announcement tomorrow… 2021 will be the best year of our lives (and probably most difficult)

fan: are we getting married?? is that why?

yes

i hate how having anxiety makes me nauseous. it’s the worst feeling

Dec. 16 - it’s all about living in the moment and making every. second. count.

fan: yeah @/ColbyBrock how much are you charging for tattoos…

free for you

Dec. 18 - big tool pic but i’ve been workin hard

@/mannymua733: we absolutely do not mind

hahahaha

(god damn… this pic is still so good lol)

also cold weather always makes me want a special someone to spend time with. cuddle buddy is neeeeeded

fan: okay but can we just take a second to appreciate how hard colby’s been working in the gym because dayum

thank you sweeeetheart

fan: HELP COLBY IS TRENDING

yoo i love you guys 🥺

Dec. 20 - got tatted last night and i barely remember

how i feel this morning (pic of him floating)

fan: you’ve seen elf on the shelf… but have you seen cole in a hole? (@/ColbyBrock)

i’m mad i laughed at this

Dec. 23 - why’d ya have to change on me

so bittersweet saying goodbye to my childhood home of 18 years… i’ll only be back to kansas to visit and sleep in hotels from now on. strange feeling, but so happy for my mom and dad for taking a chance and moving

it’s like i don’t have a real “home” anymore. since i move so much anyways it’s hard to find a spot to actually call home

fan: i just want to say that colby has helped me through so much this year. i had a tough year as many others did but you’ve seriously have helped me through so much. i love you so so much @/ColbyBrock

awh that’s why i make videos in the first place. for people like you

Dec. 24 - addicted to you

my mom and i are the weirdest duo on the planet when we’re together i swear

fan: Make a video with her for Christmas

my whole family despises being on camera 💔

Dec. 25 - fan: momma brock is the sweetest ever

she’s my favorite woman in the world

Merry Christmas friends ! 🖤

i wish i could have face tats for like one week but it doesn’t really work like that huh

Dec. 26 - everyone’s battling their own demons

Dec. 28 - fan: Colby drinking wine but he's such a lightweight that he's probably drunk, lmao @/ColbyBrock

🤫🤫🤫

fan: the vibes are fucking ethereal i’m guessing @/ColbyBrock

you got it

[alexanderlightweight]

Hello! Readmore anon again!

I just saw your last posts and the :readmore: you added to the necromancy and 7 sentence sunday posts doesn't seem to have worked (it did work on the giant nephilim one tho) I'm not sure what went wrong with it, did you hit enter after it? If it works it should show you the readmore break in the post editor already when you hit enter, maybe its different across different phones/phone apps, I'm really not an expert and I am notoriously bad at remembering to add readmores to my own writing so I have limited practical experience 😅

Either way I just wanted to let you know, and also really like the necromancy prompt!

ah thank you so much I really appreciate your first message and this one too! i was barely on tumblr for like three years and so a lot has changed and then i didn't really bother looking into what the changes were because i really didn't think i'd get more than maybe 2-3 prompts a wednesday (and i thought that much would be wishful thinking) so i really do need to go look it up at some point. and also, just in case it comes across as one i am not at all complaining about the amount of prompts i'm getting or got.

it was mostly just that i came back from a long long hiatus and didn't really expect anybody to remember or be interested in my fics lol. so the amount of prompts i am getting is surprising in the best way possible. the kind where i'm like 'OMG SO MANY SANDBOXES THEYRE ALL MINE NOW' kind of way.

like several times i could have combined prompts that went really well together and my bf asked my why i didn't and i was just like, 'and waste the potential for a new universe????? how could i??' and then they were just 'lumine... it's not a waste?' and me 'it would be waste!!!! think of the universes that i'll be missing out on, even if two prompts would go perfectly together, think of the creations i'll never know!' and then they kind of just sighed and called me adorable and left me to my antics. i dont really get it but thats okay.

When I have some time later i'll go try and fix those :read more: (i put the space so it wont activate) so i appreciate you telling me a lot. I didn't realize i needed to press enter so thats something to remember.

thank you! im glad you enjoyed that fic i had a lot of fun writing it

lumine

[haeroniel-doliet]

A lil updates and thoughts going on rn! Mostly about art again :') putting it under read more tho bc it got away from me again all rambly lmao

Hooo wheee! Life has been a little busy huh. Finally going to work again even if it is pretty much part time, other hobbies im keeping up with, trying to keep up on life admin and its going almost well! Shame im realizing i havent worked on my drawings in well over a month now 😅

Part of me is slightly dreading going back to them rn bc ive spent hours and hours on them already and they still need many hours before i post them....

You know that one guy on like tiktok/youtube shorts whos a really friendly old artist with a hobbit hole studio and does like 1hr paintings that look incredible? Obviously i dont expect myself being rusty and also not with years and years of experience to do the same but wouldn't that be the dream? To be able to just create and be done and happy with it in just an hour or a few and move on. How sad it is how many things i have started and not finished, outting in hours and hours where it doesnt really make even a super significant difference.

Also its that dinluke positivity week thing (god i hope this doesnt show up in the tag lmao sorry) i was really hyped months ago thinking its great prompts and great time to partake in my favourite fandom especially before february 2023 inevitably changes the scene in some way! But all of a sudden mid november is here and thats kinda terrifying! I have no clear idea for any of them, nothing im like desperate to draw and my current drawing doesnt really fit them either. Im thinking maybe i should try like, giving myself idk 2 hrs max to just make something beginning to end and if i hate it its ok i dont have to post it. But maybe i will and it could be fun! Sure i am too tired to properly do anything but idk, even making one post could give me excitement and hype for things i used to enjoy and something that isnt just real life and like job related.

To be fair i could also go for the much more guaranteed dopamine boost and play a video game ive been thinking of playing again for months. Sure i dunno which to choose and im not like super inclined to anything even tho i would like to play multiple of them again, just playing alone is a little boring i guess.

The more i spend just overthinking the quicker my sunday will be over and ill have to do next week and god knows ill be busy!! I should try drawing bc its there floating in my mind and could be easier to slip in into the day routine to do a little here and there rather than like, playing skyrim for 30 mins loll. Or oblivion bc for some reason ive been missing it. Or battlefront, even tho that is really hard to play without really trying my hardest and getting readjusted to the pace of it

Alright ok im gonna set up my digital art stuff, im gonna challenge myself to sketch something on theme for all the prompts and see what ends up catching my attention. If i can do 1 or even a couple of them thatd be really really neat!

[robincantfunction]

requested: yes/no

word count: 725 (another shorter one i'm sorry)

warnings: fem!reader, swearing? i think. quite suggestive at the end- nothing smutty or detailed tho, a tad on the angsty side (someone stop me it's becoming an issue)

lemme know if i missed any <3

summary: y/n goes off the grid and it worries fred, when in reality she's just denying her feelings.

song prompt 3: MINE - awfultune

a/n: in all honesty this isn't my favourite but- there is better one that's already written coming very soon my dear friends

sorry it's late but one will be posted on sunday at the latest

"i don't get what happened you know. it was like, one minute i'm calling her everyday and hugging her all the time, comforting her when i need to, and the next we just aren't talking." fred was confused and upset to say the least "and now i just want to call her all the time, but clearly she want's space" george felt bad for him, although in his mind it was clear what was happening "look god knows you love her, but maybe this is just something out of your control. y/n isn't stupid, i'm sure there's a reason she stopped talking" he knew the reason. y/n couldn't bare to be vulnerable. she never liked showing weakness, she wanted to have no feelings. no strings attached. no nothing. she was just the kind of person who didn't let herself get caught up in what she wants, but what she needs. and in her mind she needed herself. and that was it. george also knew how much she meant to his twin. neither of them would admit it but he so obviously liked her, and there was a very strong possibility she was feeling the same. and when y/n feels weak in anyway, she cuts herself off from the world. even from her best friends.

"in all honesty freddie, i think she likes you. and i think she's feeling guilty about it, and she's probably just trying to get her head around it. you know she doesn't like change" he was right. maybe the 'she likes you' bit wasn't something fred was willing to agree with, for his own sake, but it made sense. it wasn't unlike her to block herself off.

"y/n it's fred. your friend. feelings only get in the way if you let then. people don't have to complete you, but it's ok for them to be there. god knows he tries." hermione was right "yeah but what if i ruin everything? what if he hates me?" the other girl scoffed "have you met fred? he could never hate you. he loves you. more than you are willing to accept might i add. just. talk. to. him."

she picked up the phone and called him, terrified he wouldn't answer. "oh my god. georgie she's calling me. what do i do?!" george looked at him "answer the bloody phone you git" and so he did. "hey y/n/n." she smiled. "hey do you uh, are you free right now?" he nodded to himself before responding "yeah, is everything ok?" she paused for a second "yeah i just- wanna see you, i guess." that made him happy, a little worried, but happy nonetheless.

when they met up, she suddenly forgot about all of her anxious thoughts. because it was him. him. "im - uh. im sorry. i've been a shit person to you and that isn't fair" he shook his head and smiled "y/n i get it. all that matters to me is that you're ok. that's all that will ever matter to me." and for some unknown reason to her, she finally got the courage to kiss him. and so she did. the kiss was slow, neither of them wanted to rush it - especially if there was a chance this was their first and last kiss. but it felt right. that was the best way to describe it. "what was that for?" fred chuckled when they pulled away. "an apology?" they both started laughing, they were ok. from that day on fred vowed that he would call her 'mine' for as long as she'd let him. y/n was worried about losing fred as a friend, what she should have been worried about was losing him in general. because from the moment they met, it was obvious both of them would never last as friends. no. they were always more.

that night was full of undying confessions, represented in many forms. verbal. emotional. physical. heavy breaths and pants, desperate to make up for lost time. desperate to analyse and memorise every single inch of each others bodies. clothes scattered everywhere - to be found in the morning. for once they weren't thinking about what could happen in the future, but what was happening in the present. and what was happening was long overdue. and that was the start, the start of him being hers, her being his. neither cared about anything except the other. 'mine'. that felt right.

[kamil-a]

ok ace route end thoughts. incredibly messy post i put together a lot of it last night, half-asleep, and im trying to just. do my best with that lol

they invented queerbaiting for m/f couples

she was just so recently scared of him, but goes on a camping trip anyway and does seem to have a decent time! caught in by his magnetic pull, huh...

we arent going to OUTER space but we are going to MEDIUM space. which is great!

THE JOKER??!?!?!? THERE WAS A CLOWN MAN??!?!?!? 

it was a gourcus...

really id seen the cg before but still!!! i was so shocked to see him!!!

-oh okay. id dropped the pics and copypasted twitter comments over last night when i was too tired, so this is gonna be out of order a little bit- i do nt rly want to reorder them.

-she MAKES HER CHOICE is the thing, and then joker shows up AFTER to mess around!

=i suspect that the nightmare and peter (putting a note here that peter talks to her a: in the circus and b: she says she feels like he’s trying to poke hole in her decision) that we saw were joker in disguise/projecting illusions or something. because itts ace’s route i assume he did his part himself but itd still be interesting even if it werent i guess?

BITING HER EAR LIKE CHOMP?? RIGHT ON THE LAWN OF HER FAKE MEMORY DREAM HOUSE??? WHERE THERES PROBABLY A FREAKY OTHERWORLD CORALINE LOOKING LORINA GHOST?!?

im horrifascinated with him literally invading her nostalgic memories (and the state she’s tied herself to embodying here in WL!) to like... rub himself all over it. defile the past. AND, showing up in the sunday afternoon peaceful garden times zone is like a fuckyou to peter too... like a cat pissing on a tree in another cat’s territory. theres two separate sex scenes in this ending (lmaooo) but i dont even really think of this one as like. particularly sexual (or i guess i should say erotic? sex is about power blah blah) so much as ace wanting to assert power over alice and peter and like. the ghost of lorina liddell i guess. 

can you see this from heaven? if you could, would this even be the shape your heaven takes? well, in the end youre actually not here to say otherwise . so i will say it as if you’ve seen: haha lorina i am banging your sister

and i think on some level alice knows that lorina... isnt there to catch them in the act. that her objection to this isn’t “whats wrong with you, my sister could walk in on us any second!!!” but “i don’t want you to defile my perfect memories of this place, and of my perfect sister”.

-this is also like. i think one of the most explicit routes ive seen in terms of textual descriptions of things. 

-OH YEAH the other one was really really fun hes like doing an edgy oohhh ur my ruin you will bring my doom roleplay and shes like. excuse me? i dont want to bring your doom. what are you talking about. and hes like aww yeah my girlfriend is going to kill me one day and shes like HUH????? shes literally just trying to have a nice time and he keeps ruining it with his bizarre dirty (?) fantasizing about her destroying him it’s really funny

-and it all even started bc she was talking to peter and ace got jealous. even tho if he LISTENED a bit he’s realize she was talking abt how she chose ace.

-

-they probably had to up the stakes from friendship kissing by making ace a bites you bites you bites you bites you guy but it works for him 

she says he can name most of the stars she points out, but thankfully never gives names so MY CITY NOW - i think they have a lot of constellations named after things from the hunting of the snark + jabberwocky.

(which in my even deeper MY CITY NOW headcanonings is where they adopted their game-and-roleholder system from. so it’s sort of a remnant of it and a remembrance out of respect).

-i always much prefer when it's made textually clear in the moment that she wants something she verbally denies! This one seems particularly clear, i wonder if its a matter of being written years later 

-i can become happy in my own world, too. CAN YOU??? PERSON WHO VOWED TO NEVER BECOME HAPPY???

-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

-lmao he THREW HIS SWORD AT HER to trip her

-i think a lot of this was in the musical

-you gotta wonder why he isnt feeding her the game juice back if he wants her in such a state of stasis, yknow? 

-Instead, having her firmly choose, but swearing he'll remind her of pain- my guess being it's to keep her from truly losing her outsideship? 

its for jnkna reasons i assume, but even hearts era ace is clumsy enough to go about it in the most inconvenient way lmao...

also. i love how the conclusion she comes to after her little "im scared!!!!" detour is like... "well im just weirdly drawn to him. dont know why hes so magnetic. cant help loving him" BC ME TOO HONESTLY????

-THE MOST AUTHENTIC HES EVER BEEN....

-OH YEAH! AND SHE NEVER EVEN FOUND OUT ABOUT JULIUS!!!!!!

-SHE DOESNT KNOW HER BF’S SIDE JOB. OR THAT HE HAS A BEST FRIEND

[kirby-the-gorb]

reply roundup!

thank you to the patrons! fleurdelis, lukeperiodsun, @heraldinthedark, hadbabits, kellie, natascha, kirbx14, and @technophage!

also kirby’s [pride preparations] seemed to be pretty popular!

it’s a long one this time!

on [road trip]:

@littlemousejelly said: oh the universal Displaced Smol Feeling. doesn't matter how tall you are you look at a menu like this. doesn't matter how old you are being on a roadtrip means you feel like you're nowhere and everywhere and that's OKAY

@thebreakfastgod said: in 8th grade i went on a roadtrip in the week long break for Thanksgiving. on Thursday we were driving home but didnt make it back until Friday, so that Thursday we had Thanksgiving at McDonalds somewhere out in Kansas. we had actual thanksgiving the next day with my brother. this drawing is so cute n it reminded me of this :)

@nikuknight said: so cute!! and yeah this experience is universal I think ^^ relatable

@indigowallbreaker said: this was me last Sunday, what a feeling

@sortofabetaiguess said: this is probably what i’m gonna be like. actually if my queue works this is probably what i /am/ like. #not twilight

oh I didn’t expect to get road trip stories out of this post but it’s wonderful that I did, I’m glad so many of you can relate XD (also I had to keep the “#not twilight” tag because there’s just something delightful about my kirby making it to a twilight blog.)

on [sandwiches]:

@salted15 said: ohmygoodness !!!!! them hamds !!!!! they full !!!!!!! blessed

@orion-flux said: TWO GRILLED CHEEZUMS!?

two of them!!! (also I love that two different people tagged the same friend in this drawing, that’s so cute :’> )

on [mirror]:

@littlemousejelly​ said: OH CUTE, I THINK THEY BOTH LOOK NICE! i'm Love mirror kirmby very much they are as much shaped as a friemd as right side gorb kirby

oh he is definitely equally friend shaped! he’s just not quite as round lol

@macro-microcosm​ said: the duality of man

man vs self

on [game night]:

@lavendarjevil said: girls night

pedicures! talkin about boys! pillow fight!

@poltergeist-draws-probably​ said: me and the besties on a tuesday afternoon

heck yeah dude that is exactly the vibe I was going for

@littlemousejelly​ said: oh this is precious oh my godddd LOOK AT THE LIL KIRBOS WATCHING AS GREENBY DOES THE VIDDY GAME FOCUSING SO HARD AND DOING A REALLY BIG WIN, PINKBY IS JUST HAPPY TO BE THERE! blueby is asleep shhh... GRAYBY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT GREENBY IS DOING BUT THEY'RE IN AWE CUTE CUTE CUTE

using the color names like that is so cute :0 I just love the excitement in these tags it feels so nice ;u;

@toastycharmander​ said: 🥺 imma be honest i wish i could sit with friends and watch them play video games like this, just seems so nice. i’d probably end up as the blue kirby at some point tho

man, same. someday we will all get to sit with our friends again and/or make good friends to sit with.

on [incognito]:

@gingersducksandbubbles​ said: the brows remind me of the cinnamon toast crunch meme. either way, adorable until proven innocent and even then still adorable. yes im aware of what the last tag says. its the law duh

the crime he was wanted for was being adorable! there is no escaping that! (also I don’t think I’d seen that meme before, drawing angry eyebrows on things is just almost always funny huh)

on [hat]:

@dragonsandmollusks​ said: baseball hats or whatever this type of hat is called are way too hard to draw

ugh, they really are. especially in lineless art! (altho the person who said they’re putting this one in the art ref folder is funny XD )

on [small]:

@littlemousejelly​ said: OH TEENY!!!!! HELLO YOU ARE VERY SMALL!! OR VERY FAR AWAY!! OR BOTH!! I LOVE YOU!!!! littol teeny kirby are you cold?? are you rubbing your lil hands together because you have a chill?? WAIT I ZOOMED IN AND YOU ARE POUTING! AHHHHHH CUTIE I KISS YOUR LIL PIMK HEAD AND PATPAT! i hope you feel better soon!!!

a true journey :’>

@gingersducksandbubbles​ said: hi kirbo! why you so far away? did he have a snack? i see that lil cheek curve. he holding his hands or arm nubs so cute like an innocent lil guy so cute. is he innocent tho? not gonna get into tjat discourse cuz the end result is that he's always adorable!! Thank you kirby!

I like this interpretation too! just trying to play innocent after stealing a snack. :>

there was a lot on [pride prep]:

@lammiies said: Kirby supports Gay Pride! 🏳️‍🌈

@macro-microcosm said: BEST MOST SUPPORTIVE BOI happy pride 🌈

@rainbowmilk1996 said: Kirby is a good lad. That, and he probably likes all the colors

@neurokinetics said: my sweet gay child

you are all correct! kirby is gay, kirby supports gays (and the whole lgbtqia+ community! all of us!), and kirby thinks all the pretty pride flag colors are very neat. :>

@drummajor-isyourbandready said: this is the only pride post I'll reblog probably. look at this fella

ohh a high honor! thank you :> (although of course if you find other stuff also worth sharing that’s a good thing too!)

@kiwi-lynx said: Ok, I’m obsessed with your drawings THEY ARE JUST SO CUTE 🥰🏳️‍🌈

@pizza-equals-poetry said: op this is beautiful

awwh thank you both so much!

also @your-local-neighbourhood-kat tagged me in this [very cursed image] by a deactivated blog which, thanks I hate it XD

[freebooter4ever]

Your desk area looks so colorful and interesting! Can we get a lil tour?? I see glimpses of your creations and others (?). Also I'm a wanna be artist but I struggle to keep up a routine (coz of my a.d.d) and your relentless output of aMaZinG work astounds me! Do you have any tips or routines that you follow? (Yes this the same anon as previous lol)

ahahahaha being the super successful artist that i am i literally live in a closet. i've shown photos on here before but i've added to the walls recently so:

you can see the slope of the stairs above my bed \o/ i live with friends in a wealthy area of los angeles and i have my new little air conditioner to keep my drawing computer from overheating tho so can't complain ^_^ (my new pink flamingo/clothes-pins wall section is my 'to finish and send' personal letters collection, sorry guys if you recognize any letters i havent sent yet, as you can see i have a backlog)

ADD and art is hard! i draw every day for an hour at least, i try for more. during quarantine weekends i would literally wake up, draw all day, and then go to sleep, and then repeat on sunday. when i didn't have a job it was the same - wake up, draw till exhaustion, and then sleep lol. for me the biggest struggle was getting over that feeling of needing my art to be a certain caliber quality to share. i started forcing myself to post things no matter what, and with the incentive of 'im going to POST this' that got me motivated to keep drawing, instead of hitting the downward self hate spiral where i despise everything i make and want to flush it all down the toilet so stop drawing altogether. THOSE are the worst days, and i still have them, i dont know if they will ever go away? i just try to power through, which doing that is getting easier and easier but some days are still

i was going through a bad spiral for a few weeks and then i went to see luca and that helped a lot ^_^

when i was younger i was always so afraid of doing things wrong or bad that i didnt draw nearly as much as i wish i would have let myself - its why i stuck with things like computer science or math which had a much more obvious and concrete right/wrong that i could keep working at until it was correct. it wasn't until i lost my job unexpectedly and FINALLY had time to spend all day drawing every day for months on end that i realized i could apply the same dogged determination i use for solving a math problem to /drawing/. i was raised by an engineer who was very passionate about hating art/creative people in general, so my mindset is fucked up lol.

ANYWAY i live in a closet, why are you listening to me? :P my biggest advice is to just keep going no matter what - try to look forward at whats next if its too hard to think about the past stuff you've made, and always remind yourself that the next one is going to be EVEN BETTER so better get started on it now instead of hung up on the old. and dont fight the ADD obsessive fixations - if you want to draw 210 sketches of steve aoki do it.

[someone-worth-racing-for]

Hey there!

I am quite new here and I was wondering how you got into this fandom. Specially the carlandofandom :)

Also, when did you start writing? I saw your posts the other day about not being able to write all of it, so it somehow triggered me to write some stuff myself (some requests were just too cute).

Havent been properly writing for ages though and I am not quite sure if anybody wants to read my stuff...any advice? Im so indecisive...

Thanks for all your great stories and have nice day :)

Hey you, anonym and especially – welcome to the fandom! 🤗❤️

Oh my God, believe me – you actually don’t want to know how I got to this fandom, it’s such a long story.. You better grab yourself some Coke and popcorn, because this will be a longer one.. 🥤🍿

But alright, everything has begun with that the TWD (The Walking Dead) fandom has started to annoy/boring me, also because the show has become pretty bad and I wanted to leave the sinking ship before it will be too late. That must have been around autumn/winter 2018. During the winter months I really, really love to watch ski jumping, also because it’s pretty popular in my country (Austria). I was already a fan of it since many, many years, but I only became a real fan at that time. I always say I love this sport so much, because those jumps are always so “quickly over” – meaning that I don’t have to wait for too long to find out the results. Yeah, the competition itself isn't that short, but the individual jumps of each athlete are. That’s why I actually “hate” F1 so much, because I have to wait freaking two hours of pure stress, several mental breakdowns and heart attacks later to finally find out who will win, and also because so much can happen during a race, while those ski jumpers are practicing individual – does that make any sense!? However, so I got pretty deep into the ski jumping fandom over that time, especially also here on Tumblr, where I have met a pretty nice girl back then, who had been as thrilled about the fandom as me. But you know, during the summer there aren’t any competitions, so it had been pretty boring in the ski jumping fandom and then suddenly that girl came up with F1.

The first thing I have thought was ‘NO WAY! NEVER EVER!’ – you have to know, I have really hated F1 with a passion before August 2019. I was always making fun of my boyfriend watching those cars driving in circles for two hours. I just couldn’t understand it how someone can watch that voluntary (I sometimes still can’t..😅) and I really, really hated it with everything I had. My boyfriend even was at the Austrian GP in 2019 and back then my biggest nightmare would have been if he would have forced me to come with him (he got there with his father in the end – today I would give everything to get there!)

I remember, we have been on vacation during the beginning of August 2019. We were in a theme park, when my boyfriend said at one point that he will get over to that bench in the shadow under the tree now and watch the qualifying. I have really thought he was kidding me, because I couldn’t understand how the hell someone would watch something so stupid like F1, while being in a freaking theme park. Well, today I would be the one sitting there on the bench, while my boyfriend would probably urge me to please finally stand up so we could go on 😅

That was at the beginning of August 2019 – so I must have slowly but sure fallen for the fandom around 15th of August. And if you believe me or not, but I have neither fallen for Lando nor for Carlos at the first place. It was actually Max, also because he was one of the less drivers I have known next to Lewis, Sebastian, Valtteri (I always had to think about Harry Potter because of Bottas..😂) and probably Nico. But I have actually began to “stalk” when I have got to know about that Max has a little sister and I have found those sweet pics of him with her together (Do you know which pics I mean? You should really check them out – they are so cute). And somehow Lando came into the play as well and so my first story for this fandom resulted. Back then I have really, really thought it would be the first and also last story I will ever publish for this fandom. Well, that didn’t aged well..😅 Somehow my interest grew and grew with every more day stalking the internet for content and by the time of the first race after the summer break, I was already a fan. Spa 2019 has been the first F1 race I have ever watched from the start till the end and I have to say that this weekend has broken me (literally). Of course, because of Anthoine, but also because this time of the year is since 2017 never easy for me and on that weekend also Carlando finally came into the play. Check out this post from a few weeks ago – Carlos’ birthday on Sunday and that Lando has supposedly hugged Carlos after his DNF has really, really touched my heart and since that day these two boys own my heart and I remember, that the next day after the race I have got up at five in the morning to write “Tomorrow will be kinder” – because writing is sometimes my only way to deal with things, so I just had to write my thoughts/feelings down and it was the beginning of something beautiful actually.

But there is one more little story I have to tell you about my F1 past – this story right here is actually one of @hurtsprincess favourite ones. Because back in 2015, when F1 was finally back in Austria again, I was there by the race as probably the biggest F1-hater under all of them. Half of our town and so also most of our friends has got there, so it was kind of peer pressure, why I have finally joined them as well. We had to stand up really, really early – actually it was still in the middle of the night (I think it was three in the morning or so) and got to Spielberg with the bus. It was one of the hottest day of the year back then and after watching “the race of generations” with Niki Lauda, Gerhard Berger and some others and then following also the F3 and F2 races (Me, back in 2015: What do you mean there are races before the actual race? What the hell is F3 and F2?) and because we were so damn tired after standing up so early, most of us, including myself, were sleeping in the meadow during the F1 race. So I have missed over half of the race and I really can’t even remember anymore who has won 😅 But it had still been a funny day for my as a F1-hater, but believe me - if I should ever get to a GP again, this won’t ever happen to me again! 😅 I promise! 🤞🏼

Wow, this has turned out longer than you have actually wanted it, right anonym?! 

Your first question about how I have got into the Carlando fandom is probably answered now and also half of your second question. But I have actually started writing fanfictions back in autumn 2016 for the TWD fandom. I have written overall 16 stories for that fandom and 4 stories in German for the ski jumping fandom, but as much as I have already loved to write fanfictions back then, it only really became my passion and biggest hobby with Carlando. I just can’t stop writing about them, also because they make me so happy and for me so easy with those dorks just being them 😊

Yeah, I’m still very sorry about that I just can’t write stories to all of these great requests, even tho I would really, really like to do - but if you have got inspired by one of these, you should give it a try!

But if you are really that indecisive and shy, you could use the anonymity of the internet for your favor (in this case this posibilty is a good thing - as long as you use your anonymity not for spreading hate/attacking/bullying someone) You know what I mean? I actually did/do that as well. Only three people here on Tumblr know who I really am. Some of you may know from where I am (because I don’t make a secret out of it) and some here even know my name, but that’s it. I don’t share any more personal things about my identity, because I also prefer to stay anonymous here, especially because only my boyfriend, my best friend and my mother know about that I’m writing fanfictions. All those other people I call “friends” don’t know about it or me having this account here and I also don’t want them to know, because they simply wouldn’t understand it.

What I’m trying to say here - if it makes you feel better and also more secure, you could upload your story on AO3 without telling anyone it’s you. Or if you don’t want to post it on AO3 and you also don’t want to post it on your Tumblr account, I offer you to send me your story anonymous. I would post it in your “name” aka anonym, saying that this story isn't mine and you could watch/read the reactions.

You don’t have to lose anything, anonym 😉 I would really, really like to read your story, no matter if you will decide to publish it with your name or anonymous. Because there won’t ever be enough writers out there, blessing us with their great stories. Also because I am as much a passionate reader than a writer. And I’m also pretty sure about that you are talented and also about that your story would be more than just worth reading it 😊

Thank you so much for your message, anonym and I’m sorry my answer turned out to be so long 😅 but I really hope my words have helped you in some way, because I’m pretty sure about that you actually don’t have to have a reason to be that shy and indecisive 😉 Just give it a try, as long as it makes you happy 🤗❤️

[touyaz]

Hello!! Hope you're having a good Sunday! 💕

Omgg yes bully Gojou is very hot, all condescending and mean but still cherry. Pls I'd love to hear your thoughts on that post, I wrote it in a fever haze - the Gojou demon has possessed me LOLLL

Loll your tag is the hall of fame, cuz I love your blog!!

Agsjgk 'squeezes my tit and is like this is mehboob' IM CRYING WHY IS HE LIKE THIS 😔😭😂

Pls I'd try throwing a shoe at him like some desi auntie and he'd turn infinity on and watch it bounce and then laugh in my face, he's soooo Alahsajg but its okay I'll just hide some green cardamom in his biryani as revenge >:)

Pls Gojou is swimming in money! He is the rich arab husband, you're absolutely right!!! He would buy you sabyasachi lehngas like its nothing aakahow

Yes, pls Toji's story honestly makes me SO SAD like I just want him to have a soft and happy home where he's surrounded by his loved ones :(((

Omgg I applaud you for waiting, I could never do that, I have no patience LOL but yes hopefully we get an update soon! Its honestly my fav Toji fic!

@ame-791 // AA im late but i hope you had a good weekend as well bb <3

IT WAS SO GOOD!!!!! i loved the scene where reader had to ask him for help, the whole "he wanted to give you a reality check" is SO patronising i love it ajkdha i think you described the way he's so. overwhelming + insistent v well !! he's so relentless and stubborn in getting what he wants; there are no boundaries he wouldn't cross to get to you.

KASJHD HE'S SUCH A MENACE!!!!!! he's so annoying he'd def do that as if i wont hold this against him for days just to get my revenge. the biryani trick is cruel tho i wouldnt wish that on anyone <///3 && literally 😭 sugar daddy gojou WHEN 🥰😩

LITERALLY can u imagine :(( the thought of him doing smth as silly as playing dress up w his kid, or having a lil water fight in the garden and he sprays you with a hose.......... why were we robbed of domestic toji 😩😩

[angeltrapz]

saw ur post 4 saw asks n im here to deliver!! (also fully gonna answer the one u sent me i just had a busy night 💚) — hmmm would personally love to hear more abt the Matthews-Faulkner-Stanheight-Blank family dynamic? esp maybe Daniel + Art, but rlly just anything u wanna talk abt there! maybe if they have any sorta family traditions, what holidays look like for them, that sorta deal

shfajs tysm!!!! (also tht's totally okay, take yr time!!!)

also oooo I love this question okay. so like u mentioned this when I asked abt what Eric n Daniel's relationship would b like post-trap, but I think it's very very good fr Daniel 2 like. see tht Eric has ppl who love him n who don't mind helping him when he needs it n who are THERE fr him bc again, like you've mentioned, seeing a parent so utterly shattered th way Eric was after his trap is incredibly difficult, esp for a kid (though Daniel is like. at least seventeen? still). knowing tht his dad has a good support system n is surrounded by ppl tht care abt him helps put him at ease bc he knows he can trust Adam n Art. he knows they'll keep Eric safe n tht they'll help him to heal, tht they love him n want 2 see him do well n get better. plus, Daniel knows tht if he needs to talk 2 some1 abt how difficult seeing his dad like tht is, he knows both Adam n Art r there fr him and tht helps a lot. of course, he also has Rigg + maybe Hoffman (until th whole. u know.), but they don't live w Eric. they don't see him every day th way Art n Adam do. that's not 2 say they don't know Eric is struggling, but there is a difference btwn them n Eric's boyfriends. basically, Daniel is very much grateful fr Art + Adam.

I feel like Art wld be VERY good at lending an ear fr when Daniel needs 2 talk. whether that be abt their trap + tht whole experience, Eric's trap n the consequences/rough aftermath, just plain venting, etc.; Art is there 2 listen to them + offer a solution if they want one. most times I think Daniel just wants to b listened to, esp when it comes to what they went thru in the Nerve Gas House - tht's smth they don't feel comfortable discussing w Eric right away fr obvious reasons, but therapy can only do so much. I think th two of them have more in common than they might realize at first, bc hey, Art Killed A Man Because Trevor Was Going To Kill Him If He Didn't, and Daniel Killed A Man Because Xavier Would Have Killed Both Them And Amanda If They Didn't. I feel like Art is like. very reserved abt th details of his first trap + how they affected him (and th second one tbh; it's not smth he vocalizes often at all), but fr Daniel he wld gladly talk abt it if it meant Daniel didn't feel alone. if it meant it could help them, reassure them that hey, it wasn't yr fault, u did what u had to, n I know tht can be hard 2 believe right now n that's okay. u need to process things at yr own pace.

and so Art tells them abt the Mausoleum, bares a part of himself he keeps locked away where he doesn't often give it much thought/actively ignores it. n I think tht's healing fr him too, maybe. there's solace in tht shared experience, as horrible as it was in th moment. 2 know there's someone out there who has even th faintest inkling of what u went thru + what u had to do to survive. of course Daniel relates 2 Adam fr this reason too, but like. Art will use his Lawyer Voice n make sure Daniel understands tht what they did doesn't make them a bad person or confirm tht Jigsaw Was Right And They Deserved It. n tht's rly important fr Daniel 2 hear, esp early on. it's honestly one of th first times Art is truly honest abt his feelings on th matter + the Mausoleum, n it's just. a step tht much closer to healing for both of them.

family traditions!!! they do have a few! in the summer, every sunday they have Daniel w them, Eric Art n Adam go out fr ice cream, even if they get it at the drive thru n eat it in th car bc none of them want 2 be around all th people/sit outside in th muggy weather. it's a good way to get them all out of th house fr a little while, something enjoyable tht doesn't require too much energy or even interaction. it's just smth nice they can do where they're all together n chilling n just enjoying each other's company!

this is mostly a Daniel one but every year around April Fools he just. puts fucking googly eyes on everything. n every time some1 discovers some, it doesn't matter where in th house he is, u can hear him cackle abt it. Adam thinks it's an absolute delight n has assisted on multiple occasions. tht's abt as far as pranks go fr them, bc none of them like surprises like that, but god is it ever hilarious 2 hear Eric frm the kitchen while Art Adam n Daniel r in the living room when he says "I found another one!" while he's looking fr smth in the fridge kjdkfsf.

holidays!! every Christmas they all sit down in th living room n watch a couple of movies w the blankets spread out on th floor w snacks n hot chocolate. the first Christmas following his trap, Eric was sat on th couch between Adam n Art while Daniel chose to sprawl out on th floor, n he just looked around at his boyfriends n his son n the fake pine tree they had all decorated together n he like. needs to take a moment bc this is it. this is all he cld ever want out of life right here. this is a level of peace Eric never knew he wld ever be able to reach after what he went thru fr those six months. n he just sort of presses his face into Art's shoulder n breathes thru it. he doesn't even have to say anything fr Adam n Art to know what he's thinking bc Adam's hand is on his arm n Art's resting his cheek against th top of his head, n he might cry a little, but he's happy. surrounded by th ppl he loves n who love him, love him enough to keep the lights down low n the volume on th television soft, to use subtitles so he doesn't get overwhelmed, Eric realizes he has a home n it's just. oof.

fr Valentine's Day, this one was actually Adam's idea initially: wht they do is take sticky notes n write little affirmations on thm fr each other, n stick thm in places where they'll see it. sometimes Daniel joins in on this one, but usually it's an Art Eric Adam thing. so like it'll be little things, like a note frm Adam telling Eric how proud he is of him, or one from Art letting Adam know he couldn't have had a better best friend, or th one from Eric that thanks th both of thm fr helping him w his rashes + helping him 2 accept tht part of him n start to see it as nothing to be ashamed of. it starts on th first day of February and ends on Valentine's Day itself, n sometimes they get those packs of cards u get fr kids just to write goofy shit on thm to pass back n forth n make each other laugh. they also get th discounted candy!! (Adam steals all th twix bars tho. tht's okay bc Eric likes snickers anyway n Art is fond of reese's peanut butter cups. they share th sweet tarts + conversation hearts!)

Halloween is when they get a big bowl of candy 2 leave on th porch fr the kids who're trick-or-treating while th three of them stay inside (+Daniel sometimes!) n watch some classics, like their Christmas tradition. they Also add in some bad movies 2 mix it up a lil bit bc sometimes u just need a laugh. I am like in Lov w the idea u had abt Eric n Adam sometimes building cozy pillow forts, so they do tht n the three of them just vibe in there n lay together n look n talk. n like it's So Much Fun 2 have ppl to like. discuss movies w while yr watching them! esp when they're ppl who won't be annoyed w u when u wanna share a thought! like Eric n Adam will get into this deep discussion abt horror movie decisions n Art will just lay there n listen bc he loves them so much n loves hearing them get amped up abt things. he'll offer his own two cents if asked too! mostly he listens, but he can definitely contribute.

inevitably at some point, someone's hand ends up in Eric's hair n he's just. asleep not too long after that. usually on someone's shoulder or against their chest, n depending on who's still awake, they either try 2 move to th bedroom or they just sleep in th living room (i.e.: Art will try to convince Eric n Adam to come to bed properly, whereas Adam will just b like "fuck it" n pass out right there. has this led 2 them waking up sore b4? absolutely. but it's like. "we r adults who live w our decisions n this one happened 2 be sleeping on th floor" so.

n then a minor one is on their birthdays, some1 (usually Art, to be completely honest w u) will cook tht person their favourite comfort food fr dinner n they all help make cake/cupcakes/cookies/something dessert-related of their choice. so like Art rly likes brownies, Adam is fond of strawberry jello poke cake, n Eric can make some RLY good carrot cake cupcakes w homemade frosting too. it's just smth fr them to do together + like! it's celebrating! they've all been thru so much hell but they're still here! n that's rly th focus for the three of them. sometimes they have ppl over too - like Rigg, Gibson, Brit, Mallick, Lawrence, William (all of them best-case, obv); it's nice 2 have a lil party sometimes! after what they've endured they've kind of earned it I think!

thank u sm!!! this was so fun 2 think abt fjdkjsk

(lil random hc: when Daniel was little, Eric used 2 write letters to him frm Santa. eventually Daniel got "too old for that," but honestly? they cherish tht memory. I wanted 2 include it bc it makes me kjehfje!!!)